Charting, ttc, and that sort of fun stuff.

I started charting this month and now that I got the hang of it it really isn't so bad. The month started off rough in that I would forget to take a temp until AFTER I showered or I would forget to place the thermometer by my bed and would have to run around looking for it before I took my temp. Basically, I was the worst charter ever! I decided that even if the temp couldn't count (such as after a shower) I would still take my temp to get in the habit. I finally go tthe hang of it after a few CRAZY days. Despite my craziness I did learn a few things about my cycles! First, I used to count the length of my cycle after my period ended. Yeah, this is wrong. You are supposed to start counting on the first day of your period. Hmm well, live and learn and learn that your cycles are very long! Second, besides having long cycles I do ovulate as I saw a clear temp shift that has remained high since. Lastly, all the signs I thought my body was giving me when I thought I was ovulating were true! Woohoo. My body is a pretty "loud" ovulator. I get everything from ewcm to ovulation cramps, but never knew if I was actually ovulating or it my body was pretending to ovulate. So now that I know I am ovulating (or at least ovulated this month) I can rule that out as a "challenge" towards ttc.

There is another challenge that CF women ttc can face and so I also wanted to discuss the use of Mucinex. This is tmi for any non CFer ttc so you can skip this section if you so choose. I started taking Mucinex twice a day from the beginning of my cycle. CFers are supposed to have thicker mucus everywhere and I mean everywhere (if you get my drift) and Mucinex is supposed to thin this mucus out which makes ttc easier. My doc gave me the approval to use it, but told me not to expect much as it may be pointless. Well, I beg to differ. I know the placebo effect could very likely be the reason for the change, but I really saw a significant difference in my ewcm! It was text book and much more..uhh lets say abundant than in the past! I really believe that it made a significant difference for me and so I will continue to use it every month!! Anyone else notice a difference after using Mucinex?

Working Through the Confusing World of TTC

I found a cool website full of useful (and some not so necessary) info on everything ttc related from reading OPKs, pregnancy tests, recommended books, etc. She shows real pics of OPKs so you can distinguish a +/- from those two little pink lines. For me this was an awesome find because I have many times thrown the little peed-on-stick in my husbands sleepy face at the wee hours on the morning demanding the all important answer, "Which line is darker?!?" to determine if I am ovulating. She also talks about the different levels of sensitivity in different HPTs and some of the known issues with some tests are such as known false positives or disappearing positives are negatives. So any of you trying to figure out the craziness of ttc check out

http://www.peeonastick.com/

OPKs, Temps, and Mucinex

A cyster's life is full of medical equipment, nebulizers, bottles of supplements, enzymes, antibiotics, PICC lines, hospital stays, and doctor appointments. Needless to say, my life often feels very medical. I barely notice how different our apartment looks from that of an average apartment. The vest in the corner, the nebulizer next to the couch, the sterilized neb cups in the kitchen, the cabinets dedicated to enzymes and meds. Even my routine of doing treatments three times a day and popping pills without thinking twice seems somewhat normal because it is all I have ever known in my adult life. I find it dumbfounding that friends of mine complain about taking their birth control pills the same time e.v.e.r.y. d.a.y!!!!! I just can't fathom not being able to take one measly little pill each day. A cyster remembers dozens and we do a pretty damn good job. My OB upon seeing all my meds listed said, "How do you keep them all organized, do you have a giant pill box?" She didn't realize that most of them are nebbed, but even so no pill box necessary. I just know I need to take my meds and so I do. Simple as that.

Now as normal as my life seems I know it is far from normal. I just need to glance at my husbands routine to realize this. I don't mind that my life is extra complicated so much. I mean I would be more than willing to give up CF and all the crap it comes with in half a second, but I have gotten somewhat used to it. But there is one thing that I just want to keep out of the medical realm- having a baby.

Okay, I know this sounds silly. Being pregnant requires an obscene amount of blood draws and doctors appointments. What I mean is I just want to have a baby the old fashion way. I want to wake up one morning after only a few months of trying for a baby and realize my period still has not appeared. I want to create a baby out of love and not in a medical office. Medical offices already take over my life I want this one act, creating another life, to be free of doctors and sterile environments and needles and nurses.

Although this is my wish I am not dumb. I realize natural conception is not always feasible with CF and so I must remind myself that regardless of how a child is brought into this world, it will still be a beautiful love story. I have decided that I will do as much as I can to increase my chances of conceiving a baby without the assistance of a doctor. I have started officially temping, stocked up on OPKs, and started taking Mucinex religiously. Although, I wish I could be like my friend who recently found out she was pregnant by old fashion baby dancing often mid month my desire for a baby exceeds my need to create a child without "assistance"

The Dreaded Purchase

Purchasing pregnancy tests has always been an ordeal for me. There are two main issues with going to buy pregnancy tests. The first issue is the decision to be an optimist or a pessimist. More specifically, should I go to Costco or order a large quantity online to save money? The simple answer would be and should be Yes, of course. We all know life is expensive and babies are expensive so I might as well save some cash! Here is where my over thinking brain gets in the way. If I buy a 20 pack of pregnancy tests then am I admitting that I think it will take 20 months to get pregnant? Is it extremely pessimistic to purchase bulk quantities of pregnancy tests? It is like admitting, well I am sure I will be using dozens of these damn things, getting disappointed month after month so instead of running to the store every 4 weeks I will just purchase them all right now to save me some time and money. And that saving money thing, yeah doesn't work so well if you buy 20 pregnancy tests, but only use 7 because you got pregnant within 7 months.

Oh and if I really want to over think it then what about the issue that if I have the pregnancy tests available then I will go through the pregnancy tests like crazy. Yeah, I know I probably only ovulated 5 days ago, but you never really can be sure so I am just going to test..I have 20 of these damn things anyway! So either way in the end I really won't be saving money anyway.

Now that I decided to be optimistic (and prevent a pregnancy test taking addiction) I have come to my second conundrum. Where to buy these tests? If I go to the target down the street from me I may run into people I know from the neighborhood. Last thing I need is my neighbors asking me about my fertility. So I try to go to a store kinda out of the way, but then I hate when you go back and it is the same cashier! Like, Oh hi! It's me again. Yeah, making my monthly purchase. In which they will undoubtedly be thinking something like, Guess those swimmers don't swim too well. Awkward! Okay, chances are they probably won't remember me out of the dozens of people they see each shift, but I like to think that I am abnormally memorable and so they would in fact recognize me instantly.  So this leads me to trying to buy pregnancy tests at several stores, nowhere near my house, with multiple cashiers at each location.

Sometimes I think I have problems, I mean besides the whole CF thing.

WTF Periods

About a year ago I went off of birth control after being on for a long time. I assumed my period would be wacky because they were before birth control, but I was also a lot skinnier back then. Miraculously, they were totally normal. I used a calendar to keep track of when they started, ended, and when I believed I ovulated. For the first time in my existence when the nurse at a doctors appointment asked me, "When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle." I didn't have to look at her like she was crazy and then make up some random date that sounded good. 

Here is where the WTF part comes in. The second the hubber and I decided to start trying to have a baby my pretty little predictable periods got all messed up. Really, what is up with that? The first month it was really early. That was kinda nice because my two week wait was not two weeks and I didn't have to wait too long to be disappointed. This month it was supposed to come the 19th. It is now the 24th. I actually think I ovulated a week late so I wasn't overly concerned (although weirded out that my body decided to ovulate late), but now I am spotting a lot. WTF! My body was in working order a few months ago and now it needs to get it's act together!

I know I know, stress makes your body do weird things. The problem is trying not to stress about stressing is well, stressful! And during the two week wait how do you not think about it every second your not busy? I don't think it is possible. So for now I am stressed about stressing too much, thinking about my two (or this month 3) week wait, and watching my body tease and taunt me by taking my pretty little cycle and making it go crazy. All you other cysters (or non-cysters) that are ttc I hope very much that your body is behaving much more appropriately than mine!

BTW school is still going well and I decided I just love my job because kids really are just the cutest people to spend all day with!

CF Pregnancy According to My Clinic

If you missed my clinic update click here. I didn't have time to go into too much detail so I will discuss the information my doctor  and nutritionist gave me about CF and pregnancy.

The Doctor:

So I talked to my doctor a little about pregnancy. In the past he has not been overjoyed at the idea, but he has been supportive. This appointment he seemed much more optimistic about it. I think maybe because he realizes I am going to do it anyway :) So I did ask him if there was a concern on his end that my lung function is in the 50s, although high 50s-yay. He said that because I am extremely compliant he has very little concern. He said of course all CF pregnancies comes with some risk, but he felt my lungs would do fine. He said the only 2 concerns he has is as follows.

1. Weight. Although my weight is fine (BMI=21) his only concern is if I have trouble gaining during pregnancy. He said nutritional status is such a huge component of a healthy pregnancy and some cysters have trouble gaining weight. I feel like I will be fine because I usually eat very healthy for the average person, but not "healthy" for a CFer. Growing up without enzymes made me lean towards low fat/healthy foods. Even with enzymes I now have a mental block against high fat, creamy, buttery, or fried foods. I know I could do better in the calorie department if I needed to.
2. Routine. He also said my success if how well I will adapt to the new routine of being a mom and doing treatments. He said if I skip treatments to take care of my baby or the household chores then my health will suffer. If I can find a routine that includes taking care of ALL my health needs and the baby I should be fine. I have no doubt that I can do this. If I am lucky enough to have a baby I want to be healthy enough to raise him/her.

The last thing we talked about was getting pregnant!! My doctor said something about us trying and I mentioned that it seems really hard for Cysters to get pregnant. He was actually quiet optimistic about this which shocked me. He said there are 2 major problems when it comes to CF and getting pregnant.

1. Nutrition status (again with the nutrition!) If weight and vitamins and over all nutritional health is down the body will not want to support life. He said sometimes gaining just a little weight can increase the odds of pregnancy
2. The BIG one!! Cervical mucus in CFers is thicker than non-CFers. Damn our mucus. He did say that although it was thicker it is only considered subfertile and not infertile mucus. Meaning if there are some strong swimmers you may still get pregnant. Of course the thickness may vary depending on the woman. He said that he wouldn't be too concerned about not getting pregnant at this point. He said that a lot of woman in the clinic have done it naturally. This actually was the best thing I heard all day. Fingers crossed.

Nutritionist:

So my nutritionist was pleased because my weight went up. It was only two pounds and I personally think weight can fluctuate depending on a woman's cycle. I am currently PMS and retaining water so I was probably heavier than I will be in a week from now, but 2 lbs would be a lot of water so I probably did gain a little. Since she was happy with my weight she came in to check on my vitamins. She asked if I was taking a prenatal vitamin. I said that I have been taking one for a year now. **FYI- I got my 1st bachelors(before teaching) in nutrition so I am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to vitamin needs even in pregnancy** She wanted to ensure I was getting enough folic acid because it is crucial in spin development (prevents spina bifida, encephalocele and other defects) within the first 3 weeks which is before most people know they are pregnant. 

She then asked me what vitamins I am taking. I take 2 chewable ADEK, beta carotene (Vitamin A) and Vitamin D. She then said that if I get pregnant I may need to either cut down on the ADEK or beta carotene. I know that if in pregnancy you get too much Vitamin A your baby is at higher risk for birth defects such as cleft lip or even heart defects. Random fact: This is why a lot of prescription topical acne creams (Retin A or accutane to name a few) can't be used during pregnancy because they contain too much Vit A. Okay, I will stop with the nerdy nutrition stuff...I just fined it all fascinating. Oh last thing...it is really hard to overdose on vitamins from food source so the concern comes more from supplements so if you love carrots, don't worry.

This is really long, but I figured any other CF women out there trying or thinking of someday trying may benefit from some of the things I heard in clinic today. Now it is the waiting game...

It's Official!

So my husband and I decided to officially start trying to conceive. Of course, I am not telling anyone outside of my blog world because I don"t want extra pressure or people judging my abilities to get pregnant. I originally was nervous about even sharing on the blog when we decided to start ttc, because I thought I would be embarrassed if it took too long. After doing a lot of research and looking at forums I realized that CFers really range in the amount of time it takes for them to conceive. Most people take at least a year, but the range I saw was as long as 7 years and as short as one month. I was somewhat discouraged reading cysters' stories because I want to be pregnant now, not 3 years from now. I figured if I am going to write a blog about CF and trying to get pregnant I must share my ttc journey as long as it may be.

I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself. We tried once 2 months ago (last month I was on meds) and I cried when I got my period. Ridiculous, I know, but we have been prepping for a baby for so long that even though we only tried one month it felt like years! My sister (no CF) was so sweet and told me not to worry if it took a long time because she wants to try in 2 years and the longer it takes me the closer in age our kids will be. I am trying to use that as a way to keep myself from getting stressed.

 My major concern right now besides thick CF cervical mucus (mucus just won't give us cysters a break!) is that after baby dancing I often have to cough and I worry that if we finish baby dancing and I cough the swimmers get pushed away from where they are going. I wonder if this is true? I will keep you updated periodically and we will see how this all plays out.