Tuesday, April 30, 2013


I have been using the juicer my brother got me for my birthday everyday for the last month. I can officially say I love juicing (and so does my husband. Kaylee even gets a few sips. Her favorite is spinach, kale, apple, carrot, and celery juiced together. Strange kid!). Before I get to the health benefits, I will say I love juicing mainly because I simply love the taste of fresh juice, it is the most refreshing drink! I have yet to find a combination I don't like (granted, the only food I can think of that I don't like much is cilantro so maybe I am just easy to please when it comes to flavors?). I will admit that I have yet to build up the courage to try adding garlic to my juice which I read is really healthy, but yuck! I am finding I might have a slight addiction because fresh juice is the only thing I want to drink now and I seriously crave it.

Okay, as for health benefits. I really wanted to start juicing because I have been having such a hard time recovering from the flu. I have no energy and cant get back to feeling like myself. I will admit it is hard to know if the juice made the difference or if it was simply my body building back strength due to time, but I have been fever free for a few weeks now! I have more energy (stopped napping every day with Kaylee, although I still lay down with her every few days) and I feel much more me than I have in a long time. I am sure juicing played some role in my recent health, but I will never know exactly how much. With breastfeeding I know I am using a lot of the nutrients I eat to make milk and give to Kaylee so I feel grateful that I can make an extremely nutrient dense drink everyday to help replenish some of what I am giving away with each feeding.

I am really trying to juice foods that are high in the vitamins that CFers usually need more of so I always add carrots (Vitamin A) and often add kale (Vit A, C, and K). I am supposed to get my labs drawn at my next CF clinic so I will be curious to see what my levels are (especially since I nurse). I also juice carrot and apple (yum) often because it is supposed to help with inflammation and I have a pretty severe asthma component to my CF.

I will keep everyone posted on my juicing journey. I am excited to continue juicing and trying new recipes especially as the heat of summer is just around the corner.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Finding Inspiration

When you become a parent you become a teacher. You spend those early days teaching baby to nurse, later you teach baby to sit up, eat on their own, later you teach them morals and what it means to be a good person and how to treat others. The teaching never ends. The amazing part, I am learning, is that your child teaches you just as much as you teach them. These past few weeks my daughter has been a huge inspiration to me to get back into shape.

These past few weeks my little one has decided that she really wants to learn to walk. She spends her days with arms stretched out to us so that we will take her hands and walk her around the house. If we fail to walk her long enough she practices walking along the couch or table. This little obsession of hers carries out in everything she does. We go to a weekly song circle where kids 0-3 listen, sing along and dance to Mr. C who sings and plays his guitar. Kaylee usually has a blast dancing (popping her little chest in and out which is an improvement from her old jumping dance style) and watching the older kids twirling around. Now that she has her eye on walking she could care less about Mr. C and her dancing friends. We spent the entire 30 minutes of music time pacing back and forth along the side of the room. There is no time for play when she has a goal in mind.

On April 23rd little Kaylee took her very first steps, walking from Papi's arms, taking wobbly independent steps only to land safely in my arms. My husband and I were cheering, I was squealing with excitement I thought I would burst with pride. And Kaylee? Oh, she was like, "Yeah, mom and dad, easy as pie!" I am pretty sure she was more proud of herself when she ate dirt in the garden the other day.

She has tasted freedom, independence, walking! But this little one is not satisfied. She continues to practice every waking hour. We brought her to the park yesterday (a warm 80 degree day, might I add) to swing on the swings, but Kaylee would have none of it. We had to walk all along the play structure four times and when it was time to go home she refused the stroller. Instead I held her hands as she walked herself as far home as she could go. Suddenly, her little legs gave out and she plopped on the ground. This little girl walked herself to exhaustion!

So here I am wanting to build my endurance, wanting to build my lung power, my strength  Here I am trying to improve a skill I already do well(ish) which is significantly easier than learning a brand new skill (walking!). I make excuses in the morning as to why I don't really need to go to the gym only to find myself begrudgingly hopping into the pool to swim my slow motion laps. Then I come home to see my daughter giving all she has to walking, to learning a new skill and I think how I should be more like her. I should wake and tell myself that, no, I am not the best swimmer and in fact I have a long way to go, but I am going to give it my all! She inspires me to be my best, to do my best. Oh, I have so very much to learn from this little 10 month old!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Slow And Steady

I am back on the exercise train! I got back into the pool and made it through four laps before I needed to rest. Not as horrible as I thought, but still a far cry from what I was able to do just a few months ago. I did a total of slow 14 laps with several rests between. I could tell my entire body was weak from lack of exercise. Not only did my lungs tire quickly, but my legs, my arms, my core too. My husband and I worked out four days a week that I am going to swim so I am hoping to get back to my old self soon.

I also got on my bike for the first time since before I was pregnant. I almost had a heart attack after trying to go around the block. I was horrified since our neighborhood is flat and I was riding slowly. It was windy, but I was really struggling. My husband noticed my tire was almost completely flat which is why I was having trouble. So I wasn't as horribly out of shape as I thought. After he filled my tires I was able to ride with ease and got a little exercise in.

I will keep updating my progress to hold myself accountable. My goal is to get back to my mile in the pool by mid-June 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Starting Over

I feel as if I am picking up the fragments of my life and starting over...finally. My body was broken from being so sick and so I am starting new. It is frustrating to go so far backwards, to feel as if you lost everything you gained. I feel beaten and low, but I am slowly crawling back to where I used to be. I just received a shipment of Ensure again. It feels slightly like a defeat after a year and a half including a pregnancy and breastfeeding without needing them, but here I am desperate for calories, to gain weight.

Tomorrow morning I am going to try to get into the pool again. It seems funny now how just a few months ago I was trying to increase my speed of swimming a mile in the pool because I now feel afraid to try a single lap. I need to build my endurance, my power, my lungs. I know the laps may be in slow motion with breaks between, but I need this for my health, my life, my daughter.

To lose everything you worked for in a matter of days and requiring months to rebuild it seems cruel at best, but the sickness underestimated my will to be well and I will do everything I possibly can to get back to where I once was.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I Have Known You Forever

Dear Kaylee,

I have a story to tell you that some people may not believe to be true. Yet, I promise you that this story is as true as the stars in the sky and the Earth beneath our feet. This is the story about the first time I met you. Now, you may think this is a story of your birth, but Kaylee, this story starts long before that warm summer Tuesday in June.

When I was around seven years old, although it is hard to remember my exact age at the time, I used to dream such vivid dreams it would seem as if they were real. I would dream every night and could wake to tell the most specific of details. This is around the time I started dreaming of a baby girl that I knew would be mine. Now some people may roll their eyes and think that it is only natural that a child would dream of having a daughter someday. Oh, but Kaylee, I knew this dream was different. I knew this blonde haired baby girl was destined to join me someday. This same baby came to visit me in the night throughout my childhood. Each dream was slightly different, but the baby was always the same. 

As I grew older all my dreams started to fade. I was busy and paid no attention to what my night mind was telling me. The dreams of my blonde haired baby seemed to fade. But, the memories of those dreams were still so fresh in my mind and they gave me hope during my hardest times. When CF seemed to be winning in my early 20's I knew without a doubt that I had to get better because I needed to allow my baby, so patiently waiting, to have her time on this Earth. When I was scared, like a specific very frightening flight to Costa Rica, I knew that nothing too bad could happen to me because my child had not found her way to me yet.

When I met your father I knew that we would spend the rest of our lives together, but something puzzled me. Your father, as you know, has a head full of black curls. I was the only blonde in my entire family and your father being from Central America was not even close to blonde. I wondered if my dreams misled me, that maybe I was a wishful child and these dreams were nothing more than hope for what could be mine. 

A year after your father and I got married I found out a baby was growing inside my body. I knew that my daughter was finally here with me. I could not wait to finally meet her after not 9 months, but 20 years of waiting. I spent my pregnancy dreaming of a baby to snuggle and teach and love. I pictured this baby growing in my belly to have a head of dark hair just like her father.

I remember the day you were born, my love. It was a Tuesday that was quickly fading into Wednesday. You came to me on a scalding hot summer night in a room filled with moonlight. I pushed you from my womb to this Earth and as I pulled you to my chest I saw upon your head a pile of blond hair just as you had when you came to visit me all those years ago.

You see, Kaylee, you are my daughter, but I am just as much your as you are mine. We were destined to be together since the beginning of time and our love will outlast our time on this Earth and expand into eternity from which it came.

Friday, April 12, 2013

10 Months

Oh Buggy,
You are 10 whole months today and you are growing into such an amazing person. You are physically so strong! You stand as much as you sit now! You started standing by yourself at 7.5 months, but now it seems you can stand for extended periods of time and you do it all the time! You love walking all around the house while holding mom or papi's hands, but you have made no attempt to take any steps on your own. That is okay with mommy! I would love it if you could hold off on the walking for a while!

You love to give us high five when we say, "Dame cinco!" and you still freely give kisses right on our mouths when we say, "Dame un beso!" You will also often wake me up with a slobbery kiss which is the sweetest thing I could ask for!

Things You Dislike: You are terrified of the running shower water. This makes showering for mommy very very difficult! You also really don't like getting your hair washed mainly because you hate getting water in your face and you love to tip your head down just as I am pouring water over it!

What I like About This Age: This is similar to last month, but I love how you repeat everything we do. Papi saw a dog and was telling you that a doggy says, "bark bark!" and you barked like a champion. Papi shushed you the other day because you were SO loud and you shushed him right back. I was blowing on your food this morning and you were blowing right along side of me.

New Words: What a chatter box you have become! You are still saying, "mama", "dada", "baby", "bye bye", and "num num" (food. Num num plus pulling on my shirt means you want to nurse. Num num while crawling around the house means you want table food). You have also added "happy" (although you don't really know the meaning), "agua", and "hi", and "up". "Hi" is my favorite and makes you very popular when we go out! When I shop with you in your carrier you say, "hi" to everyone that walks by. Most people are taken aback by this little person saying hi and stop to chat. When people find out how young you are they all say I am in big trouble because you are going to be a TALKER! I don't mind one bit because you have the cutest voice around!

Thursday, April 11, 2013


I have been kinda quiet lately. I recovered from the flu only to find myself knee deep in a cold a few weeks later. After recovering from my cold it was a matter of days before I was getting afternoon fevers. This has caused me to nap whenever Kaylee naps (she is down to one nap a day. Eeek!) and has left me with very little me time which means very little blogging time.

In other news I turned 29 on the third and although I don't particularly like my birthday (I know, I know, CFers are supposed to LOVE their birthday, but honestly I hate growing older with this disease), but I love the gift my wonderful brother gave me- a juicer! He has been juicing for years and I asked him to borrow his juicer to see if I can boost my vitamin levels and possible shake this sickness that keeps following me around. Well, he bought me my very own and I am happy to say I am juicing everyday and even my husband is a fan.

Okay, that is all I have for today. Rather dull, but I am in a blogging slump I guess.

Friday, April 5, 2013


I was having a little cough attack today. You know, the type that you can feel something stuck and you have to cough your brains out to get it to move. Yeah, that kind. Anyway, my husband saw me sitting on the floor coughing away (For some odd reason I sit on the floor 99% of the time. I have never really been a couch person) and came by to pound on my back a little. As he was doing (an unofficial) round of manual CPT Kaylee came crawling over full speed with a HUGE smile on her face. She stood up, using my back for balance and started slapping my back as hard as she could! She was having a blast! Only a child of a cyster (or fibro) would learn CPT at the tender age of 9.5 months!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Night Time Cough

Is there anything more annoying than the CF night time cough?

You are sound asleep snuggled under your covers cuddled up to the one(s) you love, blissfully dreaming, when all of the sudden the coughs violently shake you from your slumber. You are too tired to even open you eyes at first. You long to be back in dreamland so you try your hardest to drift back to sleep. The coughs keep coming, louder, harder. Your loved ones start to stir, you realize you have to pee, and yet you still try to pretend that you will be able to sleep through this thunderstorm in your chest. You puff Albuterol in hopes of calming your lungs enough to pretend it isn't happening and yet it is in all in vain. At this point you are starting to wake. It is not just that your eyes are open, but your bladder, stomach, brain is already starting to perk up. The sleep you were once enjoying is drifting away and you are stuck in limbo: Not fully awake yet, but no longer asleep. You gaze at your loved one sleeping and long to be them, long to dream their dream in their quiet body and yet you are stuck in your loud violent body coughing, coughing, coughing.

You know this will pass and so you wait...and eventually you will sleep again. Your body quiet, your cough temporarily calm, your dreams are back. You can sleep once again, until your lungs start to rumble and it starts all over again.