Monday, April 18, 2011

When do you know?

So I am having an ongoing issue of not knowing when to give myself the green light to start trying. I am an over-planner and an over-thinker, this I already know. The problem is with planning to have a baby there is always something that could be better before trying. I keep thinking maybe we need a few more dollars in the nest egg or maybe a few more hundred, or thousand. Maybe I should wait until I am better at keeping my closet organized because a messy closet will be much more stressful after a baby is here. Maybe we should enjoy married life a little longer and travel more because it won't be so easy once baby is here.

Then there is the CF when? I should wait until I gain 5 more pounds (although my doctor told me my weight is fine for having a baby, but 5 more security pounds would be good). Maybe I should wait till I eat a healthier diet. Almost solely local grown, no hydrogenated oils, artificial dyes, and processed foods. I am pretty good at this, but have not perfected it. Sometimes things from cans make dinner time so much faster! What about exercise. Shouldn't I wait till I am at my physical peak. Whenever that is and I haven't figured out how I would measure it, but I am sure I am not there yet. What about my numbers? Shouldn't I wait until I have one more PICC line or until i have a few more rounds on inhaled meds???

Here is the proof that I am ready and yet I have not given myself the green light yet.

1. I take all my supplements (vitamins, pro-biotic, prenatal vitamins) without fail for several months. I have always been good at taking pills.
2. I am 100% compliant with my meds (with the exception of vacations. I am never great at being perfectly compliant on vacation, but I rarely go on vaca so I figure its okay)
3. My Dr said my weight is a-okay for baby making.
4. My PFTs have been stable for almost 6 years which my Dr said is more important than the number itself.
5. I am exercising!
6. I feel healthier than I have in a VERY long time. As in years. I am not sure what my current PFTs are, but I feel amazing.
7. My menstrual cycle is getting shorter and shorter (normally 34 days and has slowly decreased to 29 days) which I take as a sign that I am in better overall health.

My Dr gave me the green light, but I am so afraid of taking the plunge. Not for myself, but for my unborn baby and my husband. I honestly believe that if I have a baby she will be perfectly healthy, but I am afraid of what might happen to me. Again, I am not worried for myself, but I would hate to put my husband through any pain and even more than my husband I would never want my baby to have a very sick mama. I just wish I could have some sort of sign or way of knowing when we should start trying.

Oh and I know that there is a chance that it may be very difficult to get pregnant and that I may need fertility help although I am hopeful this won't be the case. I come from a line of uber fertile women and so I hope this has been passed down to me. Maybe I am naive, but I just don't want to worry about it until I cross that bridge. With that being said very few people get prego their first month so I don't want to wait too long, but I don't want to rush it either. UGH! Can you see my dilemma?!?


  1. Oh goodness! It is so WONDERFUL to read the same fears from someone else. I have debated this issue for over a year now for the exact same reasons you have. What if I gain a few more pounds first and what if I just get one more tune-up before trying and what if I can get my PFTs up just a little's so frustrating. You want to be as healthy as possible to carry a healthy baby and be a healthy mommy. THANK YOU for posting this!!

  2. Hi Mrs. Murray! I think deciding to have a baby is one of the hardest decisions any woman can make. Throw CF in the mix and it becomes a 100 times harder! Good luck on the difficult decision and keep me posted on your decision and future pregnancy!!

  3. Thanks for commenting back! I actually sent you a message via the CF forums (where I first found your blog). We have decided to TTC and 2 months in with nothing so far. I'm not surprised but still discouraged both months. Seeing my OB/GYN Monday for general consult and going to be asking a lot of questions. I will be closely following your blog, no question! I am so grateful that us CFers have the internet - makes me feel connected and "normal" :)

  4. I wrote you back on the forums :) Oh and yes, the internet makes out very abnormal lives seem normal!