Monday, April 15, 2013

Starting Over

I feel as if I am picking up the fragments of my life and starting over...finally. My body was broken from being so sick and so I am starting new. It is frustrating to go so far backwards, to feel as if you lost everything you gained. I feel beaten and low, but I am slowly crawling back to where I used to be. I just received a shipment of Ensure again. It feels slightly like a defeat after a year and a half including a pregnancy and breastfeeding without needing them, but here I am desperate for calories, to gain weight.

Tomorrow morning I am going to try to get into the pool again. It seems funny now how just a few months ago I was trying to increase my speed of swimming a mile in the pool because I now feel afraid to try a single lap. I need to build my endurance, my power, my lungs. I know the laps may be in slow motion with breaks between, but I need this for my health, my life, my daughter.

To lose everything you worked for in a matter of days and requiring months to rebuild it seems cruel at best, but the sickness underestimated my will to be well and I will do everything I possibly can to get back to where I once was.

4 comments:

  1. Your courage gives me courage.

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    1. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. It means more to me than you could possibly know.

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  2. IH I love that determination in your writing here. You will get back at it! Just do not over do it :)

    When I read this I could actually hear you talking this. Even though I have never spoken to you I could hear it though. Odd right?

    Enjoy that pool!!!

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    1. I love that you could hear me! I am trying to go slowly, but man am I impatient!!! :)

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