Sunday, April 14, 2013

I Have Known You Forever

Dear Kaylee,

I have a story to tell you that some people may not believe to be true. Yet, I promise you that this story is as true as the stars in the sky and the Earth beneath our feet. This is the story about the first time I met you. Now, you may think this is a story of your birth, but Kaylee, this story starts long before that warm summer Tuesday in June.

When I was around seven years old, although it is hard to remember my exact age at the time, I used to dream such vivid dreams it would seem as if they were real. I would dream every night and could wake to tell the most specific of details. This is around the time I started dreaming of a baby girl that I knew would be mine. Now some people may roll their eyes and think that it is only natural that a child would dream of having a daughter someday. Oh, but Kaylee, I knew this dream was different. I knew this blonde haired baby girl was destined to join me someday. This same baby came to visit me in the night throughout my childhood. Each dream was slightly different, but the baby was always the same. 

As I grew older all my dreams started to fade. I was busy and paid no attention to what my night mind was telling me. The dreams of my blonde haired baby seemed to fade. But, the memories of those dreams were still so fresh in my mind and they gave me hope during my hardest times. When CF seemed to be winning in my early 20's I knew without a doubt that I had to get better because I needed to allow my baby, so patiently waiting, to have her time on this Earth. When I was scared, like a specific very frightening flight to Costa Rica, I knew that nothing too bad could happen to me because my child had not found her way to me yet.

When I met your father I knew that we would spend the rest of our lives together, but something puzzled me. Your father, as you know, has a head full of black curls. I was the only blonde in my entire family and your father being from Central America was not even close to blonde. I wondered if my dreams misled me, that maybe I was a wishful child and these dreams were nothing more than hope for what could be mine. 

A year after your father and I got married I found out a baby was growing inside my body. I knew that my daughter was finally here with me. I could not wait to finally meet her after not 9 months, but 20 years of waiting. I spent my pregnancy dreaming of a baby to snuggle and teach and love. I pictured this baby growing in my belly to have a head of dark hair just like her father.

I remember the day you were born, my love. It was a Tuesday that was quickly fading into Wednesday. You came to me on a scalding hot summer night in a room filled with moonlight. I pushed you from my womb to this Earth and as I pulled you to my chest I saw upon your head a pile of blond hair just as you had when you came to visit me all those years ago.

You see, Kaylee, you are my daughter, but I am just as much your as you are mine. We were destined to be together since the beginning of time and our love will outlast our time on this Earth and expand into eternity from which it came.


  1. I love this post! I actually have been working on a series of posts that are very similar to this. I think we've talked about this before, but I have had similar experiences since I was a teenager with Kate. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I had such a feeling of "I'm so glad you're here!" And when she was born I felt like I had known her forever.

    1. The only sad part about having these feelings about Kaylee is that it often makes me think I will only have one child since I knew about her, and only her, forever.