Vent Mama, Vent

As mothers we often are afraid to talk about the hard times with other mothers. Maybe we think if we complain other mothers will think we don't love our children with all our hearts and souls. Maybe they will think we are ungrateful for our precious children. Maybe we worry they will think we obviously can't handle motherhood. But in all reality ALL mothers have moments, hours, or even days where being a mom is tough so why can't we openly talk about the hard times?

I was so beyond lucky to have my best friend of 16 years experience pregnancy and motherhood at the same time as me. She has given so much to me in the past 16 years that I could never repay her, but the best gift of all was her willingness to show me all her feeling of motherhood both good and bad.

From the moment her baby was born (2 months before K) she texted me almost daily. Sometimes the texts went something like this:

Motherhood is so amazing. I can't wait for your baby to be born so you can experience this intense, all consuming love. It is pure magic.

While other messages went like this:

OMG! Baby will NOT stop crying and I think I am losing my mind!!

I didn't realize at the time what an amazing gift this was until one day a I could NOT get Kaylee to fall asleep for the night despite the fact that she was already overtired. I was so beyond frustrated and the frustration continued to grow until I started to feel as if I might just burst into tears. I picked up my phone and texted

Going on TWO HOURS of trying to get K to sleep. REALLY!? REALLY!? Losing my mind.

She knew exactly what to say. She had been there many times and knew the feelings I felt without me needing to elaborate. She knew my thoughts, my frustration, my feelings of failure. She just knew! And instantly my crazy frustration melted away knowing other mothers out there had nights like that too.

Recently, I had a good friend who seemed to make motherhood look easy as pie come over for one of our regular visits. I have been a mother long enough to know all mothers have hard days so I decided to let her in on my texting secret. I explained what I had going with my BFF and how much it helped to vent to a mom who just knows! I told her if she ever gets to the point that she feels like the frustration is building up too much to text. The very next day she she sent me a text venting about a little boy you was super fussy and was refusing to sleep. She was exhausted and was at her wits end. I had to smile when I got the text because I knew exactly what she was feeling. Yes, even a mom who seems to have it all put together has hard moments and needs someone who just gets it. And that is the thing, there is nothing we can really do for one another in the moment except commiserate. The great thing is that alone is enough. Because that mother on the other end of the text knows those feelings and knows that frustration. They have been there many times and will be there again. It is nice to know that not only are you not alone, but it is part of the job description.