I think I caught death in a cold or the flu...something like that. And you know what? I don't so much mind the crazy nonstop fevers, chills, obscene amounts of mucus everywhere, the lack of energy, the lack of appetite, the fact that every muscle in my entire body is sore from coughing. Okay, I actually do mind, but it isn't nearly as bad as how much I miss being a mommy.
I miss waking before the sun and quietly sneaking out of the room as to avoid waking the hubby. I miss padding across the carpet to Kaylee's bedroom, picking out her outfit and getting her ready for the day. I miss our morning breakfast where she tells me all about her night as I prepare things for both of us to eat. I miss the way she bounces up and down in her high chair when she sees the food is ready. I love the way she chats at the breakfast table as if she knows that at mealtime that is what you are supposed to do, chat. I miss her contagious happy morning energy. I miss letting her play while i clean up breakfast. I miss that when she gets lonely she comes crawling back into the kitchen saying, "mama mama mama" until I scoop her in my arms. I miss playing on the floor with her and laughing. Oh, I miss the laughing.
Instead I am cooped up in bed, coughing, sleeping, struggling, coughing. I am listening from my half awake half asleep state to my husband getting breakfast ready, the breakfast K and I are supposed to eat together. I hear her telling him about her night, the stories she should be telling me. And I hear them laughing. I hear them laughing and I am crying. 5 days is too long away from being a mom. 5 days is 5 days too long.