14 days of sickness. 14 days of fevers that left me shivering and useless in bed. 14 days of coughing until I saw little stars dancing around my eyelids. 14 days of an insatiable need for sleep. So many times during these past 14 days I have longed for them to disappear. I found myself thinking, I wish it were next week when this sickness will be behind me. When I can feel more myself than I feel now. But as I was wishing away the days my little girl was growing older. Her beautiful blonde hair was filling in almost daily, getting thicker and longer. She started sitting on her knees or squatting which I hadn't noticed before. Even her eyes seemed to be changing to a new shade of blue.
I realized that these precious days with my 8 month old, despite being filled with sickness, were fleeting and beautiful. And I have found beauty in my sickness.
There was beauty in the days I couldn't get out of bed and my husband would crack open the bedroom door letting light fill my darkened room. He would set Kaylee in the bed where she would quickly crawl to me, cold hands and feet finding their way against my skin. Her warm mouth searching for her source of nourishment. She would drink until she was drowsy and we would drift off into sleep together. There was beauty in the day that Kaylee sat completely still in my arms watching the birds dance wildly in the raindrops, her eyes fixated on their every move. There was beauty in the morning that neither of us felt like crawling out from the warm covers and she layed next to me, latched on, but not drinking looking around the room lost in thought. There was beauty when I sat in the corner of the living room unable to get up and move around the house, and my silly little girl made goofy faces and funny noises until we were both laughing.
Not everyday is perfect, in fact the last 14 have been as far from perfect as I can imagine, and yet, there is beauty in everyday. There is even beauty in sickness.