Saturday, June 7, 2014

I Will Miss These days

I was looking at pictures of you that were taken when motherhood was still so very new to me. As I looked through the pictures of the first few months I felt pangs of sadness, of longing. I so desperately wanted to reach into those old photos and pluck that chubby baby from the arms of my former self and cuddle her. I wanted to pinch her little baby thighs and kiss her chubby baby cheeks. How can you miss someone that is still sitting right next to you? I realize there will be a day, not long from now, that I will miss almost-two-year-old Kaylee. I will want to pull that toddler from old photos and cover her entire curious face with kisses. So here are some of the things I wish I could hold on to, but like everything else I know one day these will be a distant memory.

  • How you tell me "do it myself" a million times a day, but somehow it sounds more like "do it applesauce".
  • If you hear me coughing you always stop to ask in the sweetest voice, "pop pop, mama?" (pop pop is CPT) And if I say yes, you diligently pat my back until I stop coughing.
  • When you have an itch you tell me, "Back is itchy" then after you scratch it you shout with the enthusiasm only a toddler can have, "Mano (hand) GOT IT!!!!"
  • That you think the dragonfly that comes to our yard everyday comes to visit you specifically. You remind me everyday that he comes to see you and that he likes you a lot. 
  • Whenever you see me doing something that your aren't allowed to do (cut with knives, use sharp scissors, etc) you always say, "Very careful, Mama."
  • You appreciate my sense of syle. After I spent all day painting our bathroom you came in and exclaimed, "Oh, niiice azule!" or after purchasing a new rug to put by our sliding door you told me, "Nice blanket!" 
  • The compliments you give, often out of the blue, "Mama, soo cute!" or "Mama, soo nice!" or "Mama so funny!"
  • You love me no matter how much of a hot mess I am. After wearing a frumpy t-shirt the other day after rolling out of bed you said, "ooooh, mama! Nice dress!" and you actually meant it.
  • You give me so many kisses a day I think I have a lifetime supply. I cherish each on knowing someday you won't want to kiss me, especially on the mouth, anymore. 
Oh little one, you will never fully understand how much love and joy you bring to my life. I can't wait to see what the future brings with you!

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