I am not superstitious, I really am not. And yet, I feel nervous writing this in case I jinx myself. In case, by writing these words for others to read it will make me unworthy of what is happening and everything will vanish as mysteriously as it came. But as much as I am currently doubting it, I am in fact, not superstitious so here it goes.
There has been a shift. A subtle shift. It is not that my breathing is necessarily any easier and I am not sure if my lung function increased at all, but there seems to be a difference in the way I feel each day. I am noticing I am doing so much more throughout the day and not feeling like I want to fall into bed long before my daughter is tucked into bed.
I can function like a human being again. I can make it through more than one outing without feeling like all of my energy is completely drained. I feel like I am slowly crawling away from deaths door, because really I was hardly living a life anymore. Not that I was deathly ill all the time, but it seemed that when I was "better" I wasn't my old self and it would only last a week at most before I felt horrific, completely useless.
Today for example, I ended up taking a nap for about 40 minutes. However, this nap allowed me to have enough energy to work in the garden, make homemade pesto and homemade ice tea (using herbs from our garden for both), and homemade mounds bars for dessert. I then did the dishes, washed the windows, vacuumed the whole house, wrote this blog and did my nails. And you know what? I am still standing and don't feel exhausted yet. A month ago, I would need a nap and still not be feeling well enough to do much all day besides caring for my little one.
I am also realizing why I may have been so sick. I feel like we, the doctors and I, were baffled at why I couldn't get better. I think there were some obvious issues like my immune system and body still recovering from the flu which resulted in continuous colds and illness. My body was repeatedly getting knocked down. However, I am almost positive I had an infection deep in a pocket of my lungs where mucus is completely trapped. The fevers were an obvious sign of infection, but oddly enough my mucus was thin and light in color so I never felt like I actually had a respiratory infection. I would feel better after abx (although my mucus already looked "good" so it never seemed to change much), but I would seem to fall sick again almost immediately with a cold that would result in a fever. I think I wasn't being treated long enough for how bad the hidden infection was, but since I had none of my usual obvious signs of respiratory infection we never thought to keep extending the abx. My increased airway clearance and nebs weren't touching the area of my lungs that were infected so they weren't making a difference.
This last appointment, I asked to stay on my meds (Levaqui and Bactrim) for 3 weeks instead of my usual two since it seemed that I would just start to feel "better" when my meds would end. I also started to worry about the lung pain I kept feeling on my left side which seemed to be a sign of infection. I think the 3 weeks of antibiotics plus the added weight gain is what may have finally given my body a fighting chance.
Like I said, I can tell my lungs aren't even close to where they used to be and I know it will be a long road ahead, but at least for now I feel like I can live my life the way I am supposed to with my amazing little girl and my wonderful husband. I can enjoy the daily aspects of life again and what could be better than that!