Locked Up

Saturday night I was suddenly jolted awake by a sharp stabbing in my left lung. I frantically was gasping for breath, but it seemed that each breath I took brought on excruciating pain making it difficult to breath at all. I climbed out of bed, crawled to the living room and rolled into a ball and tried to decide what to do next. K was sound asleep in the other room and my husband was at work until 4 in the morning so I felt stuck in the house, but was worried I may have collapsed a lung and needed to go to the ER. I called my parents to come to the house thinking I would be going directly to the ER and needed someone to stay with Kaylee. While I waited I called the on call doctor to get his advice.

As I waited for my parents to arrive the pain started to subside slightly, the panic and fear started to ease and I realized that I recognized this pain. The stabbing, sharp pain that comes with every inhalation, the feeling of being unable to catch your breath, the crazy PAIN all point to my old friend, pleurisy. In order to avoid exposure to the flu I decided to wait until the on call pulmonologist called before going to the ER because Pleurisy is not necessarily an emergency situation.

The pulmonologist never actually called back and I eventually fell asleep so the next morning I decided to try calling again. Thankfully, this doctor called back right away and agreed that my symptoms pointed to pleurisy and told me to go to clinic on Monday to have the CF doc check it out. I have had pleurisy twice before and my doctor always prescribed oral meds, motrin, and increased physio and hydration. I figured this time would be the same.

At clinic, the doctor was very concerned. He told me that he was sure I had plugging which is what was causing the pain. He felt that with how hard my last year has been in addition to this current plugging he really wanted me hospitalized. He explained that in the hospital they could give me more CPT, more hydration, and more rest than I could at home being a mommy. As hard as it was to agree to hospitalization I knew that he was right. My husband can't take 2 weeks off of work to take care of K and there is no way I could possibly do as much at home caring for a toddler as I could if I was trapped in the hospital.

I keep reminding myself 3 or 4 days away from K now will hopefully make me a much better healthier mommy that will be around longer to watch her grow up. I have been in here since Tuesday night and my heart is breaking being away from my daughter, but I understand that sometimes CF pushes its way to the front of our lives, demanding that it get all our attention and care. At this moment in time I need the extra care, I need this time for CPT, I need to get better for her, for us.