The other day my husband had a friend over. He came with his 21 year old girlfriend. They are young and in love and living life to the fullest. They work hard all day and spend their evenings eating exotic foods at various restaurants around the city, dancing the weekend away at the newest clubs, flirting wildly with each other while getting tipsy on drinks that were made much too strong, wandering local museums, and driving to the ocean to play in the freezing cold waves. Their life reminds me of the life my husband I had before kids.
So we were sitting around the dinner table enjoying a meal made by our friends and having great conversation (Kaylee joined in the conversation as well!) when all of the sudden my husband's friend looks at his girlfriends and says,
"We...(he then looks at me) are dying to ask you something!"
His girlfriend is smiling and nodding wildly,
"okaaay..." I say a little unsure I want to answer the question that is coming...
"You have been home for the last 7 months, right?"
I think I know where this is going.
The girlfriend interrupts, "Are you bored being home aaaaallll day every day?"
The boyfriend takes over the conversation again, "Yeah, I know babies are a lot of work, but don't you crave getting out of the house? Don't you feel confined being in the same place day in and day out?"
As someone who spends their days full of new foods, new people, new experiences I can understand how they would view my life at home every day as dull. How do I explain that being a stay at home mom is more than just babysitting, changing diapers, and doing chores? How do I explain that motherhood is...
Locking eyes with the little soul you carried and dreamed of for nine months. Feeling the warmth of a newborn babe sleeping on your chest. Listening to the soft puff of her nursing while you nourish her body and soul all at the same time. The first smile that stretches across her face when she looks into your eyes. The miracle of watching her grow bigger and stronger and smarter everyday. Watching her roll for the first time and the look in her eyes when she realizes she can MOVE. The first belly laugh and the feeling of pride that you brought her joy. The hints of your spouse in her looks, movements, expressions. The disbelief of how she got so independent so fast. The blinding frustration of a baby that refuses to sleep. Gazing at your sleeping baby and forgetting how frustrated you were 10 minutes ago and falling even more in love with her. The smell of her skin straight from the bath. Watching her crawl and discover her new world. Holding your breath as you watch her fall. The sheer agony of hearing her cries. Watching her figure out her emotions- excitement sadness, frustration, pride. The sense that time is going much too fast. The deep, breathless, all consuming love you have for a child so very small.
Yes, my high heels are gathering dust in the closet, I haven't felt the bass in my bones for over a year, the ocean waves haven't crashed against my ankles recently, and yet my days feel very full.