Pregnancy Worries

This pregnancy has brought more joy than I could ever imagine. My husband and I feel closer and more in love than we ever have in our entire relationship because of this little peanut growing in my body. I love waking up each day knowing my little one is safely growing bigger and bigger in my womb. With all this being very true there are some fears that like to seep into my joyful days.

All mothers worry about their children. I believe it is human nature and it is unnatural not to have worries and fears. CF brings fears for your baby and some extra fears for yourself. I want to share these fears with you because I am sure you will/are/did experience several if not all of these fears during pregnancy. 

My first set of fears revolve around my little baby. I sometimes get stopped in my tracks for fear of the meds I take hurting my little one. I feel an immeasurable amount of guilt that something I am taking to keep myself healthy could potentially negatively effect my little one. I then have to reassure myself that I have been given the okay for my meds by my CF doc, a high risk OB, my regular OB and an on call nurse (I was freaked out in early pregnancy and had to call an on call nurse to ask yet again about my meds) and that getting sick and needing IVs often would be worse than my daily meds. I also remind myself that I have yet to come across a cyster that has had a child with problems due to my set of meds. This will reassure me for a while, but I can't help worrying that my albuterol may be hurting my precious baby.

I also worry about breastfeeding. To me breastfeeding is the single most important aspect of the after birth. I know not all women can breastfeed, but through working at WIC (in college) and getting my degree in nutrition I know that most lactation consultants or willing doctors can  overcome virtually any breastfeeding obstacle from very low milk supply, trouble latching, to inverted nipples (which I luckily don't have). My concern does not come from breastfeeding itself, but my ability to maintain enough weight to breastfeed as the calorie demands are quiet high and after the stresses of pregnancy and childbirth I hope my body can keep on the weight. <-- must sound funny to all those women who give birth and want to lose weight as fast as humanly possible. 

I also worry slightly about needing IVs after birth that may make breastfeeding unsafe. Although you can always pump and dump during the course of IVs. My goal (my CF doc was 100% with me on this) is to breastfeed a minimum of 3 months if my health is not great (but not horrible) and as long as baby and I feel necessary if my health is good.

I also have fears about my own health. I worry that pregnancy/birth will be hard on my body and I won't be well enough to really enjoy my baby. I worry that I will need IVs and too much sleep and miss out on being a mommy in those early days. I also worry that if my overall health declines that I won't be everything I need to be for my little one. 

I think it is okay to acknowledge these fears and of course they enter my mind. I also know there is no use in spending all my energy worry about things that never happen. I try to allow myself to feel these fears and worry a little (I don't think it is good to suppress feelings) and then I try to let them go. Most babies are born healthy. Most cysters I have come across are great mothers and everything their children need even if their health declined and they are not the same as they were CF wise before birth.  This is my biggest dream coming true and I can't waste such a precious blessing by worry all the time.