Monday, December 31, 2012

The Joy and Grief Of 2012

I brought in 2012 passed out on the couch with a glass full of Martinelli on the end table. My husband woke me to inform me of the new year which I took as permission to go to bed for the night. I brought the new year in with a baby curled in my tummy, blissfully unaware that the upcoming year would bring some of my highest highs and lowest lows.  (Not in chronological order)

The year brought me to my knees when my 24 year old sister had a brain aneurysm and required brain surgery. Those long and dark few days I spent paralyzed with fear that I was going to lose my sister and best friend before she would ever get a chance to meet my daughter. Time stood painfully still and I felt a deep grief I hope never to feel again. Oh, but the flood of relief that came when the surgeon told us she was going to be okay. The overwhelming joy to see my sister's face once again, despite her head being stapled and bandaged back together.

The year brought the sadness that has come from watching my mother battle depression that developed after losing her brother in 2011. Watching the joy continually slip from her once joyous soul, leaving a sad and frail shell of who my mother used to be has been tough to say the least. The small glimmer of hope when she seemed to be her old self, only to see the hollow grief return to her eyes and watch the mother I once knew slip away once again.

The year brought the news that my sister, the very same sister I believed would leave me earlier in the year, was expecting a baby a exactly a year after the birth of Kaylee. Images of cousins growing up side by side, play dates, birthday parties, trips to the parks all dance in my mind. To experience the joys and hardships of motherhood with my best friend is such a dream come true.

The year brought me the single most amazing moment in my life, the moment I became a mother with a slimy, soft, snuggly newborn brought to my chest. When my ears filled with her healthy cries and my fingers stroked her soft downy hair. The first time I peered into her big blue eyes, that moment, the one I had dreamed about forever will make 2012 my absolute favorite year.

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