Late Resolutions

There are two things I can always count on when January rolls around. My insurance will suddenly have trouble filling some (or all) of my medicine. And the other is that my gym will suddenly get crowded.

My morning workouts in the winter are ideal. Most of the summer swimmers abandon the pool when the temperatures drop and it is not uncommon for me to have the entire pool to myself. When I am done I have the showers to myself, the changing room to myself and at times it feels like the gym is reserved only for me! Pretty amazing, right?

Everything changes once the new year rolls around and the gym fills with people hoping to fulfill their new years resolutions. The day after New Years (Tuesday) I was bracing myself as I walked into the gym.  I was crossing my fingers there would be a lane open in the pool and a shower available when I was done. The strangest thing happened though, the gym was just as quiet as always. In fact, the rest of the week remained extremely quiet. It was bizarre, but I wasn't complaining because I never had to worry if I would get a lap lane or not.

And then, randomly. on Friday all the people I expected to see right after New Years showed up. The gym was suddenly bustling and every single pool lane filled. It was a complete turn around from the day before. I guess everyone's New Years resolutions started just a little late this year.

Changing It Up Or Not

With Kaylee in school I have more time to focus on my health and I decided two days a week I will sleep in (until 6:30) and go to the gym after I drop Kaylee off to school. I still do my early mornings (5:20) three days a week because I actually really enjoy the early morning routine, but I know with winter coming I need to ensure I am getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night to fight off those winter germs.

The other benefit to working out later, outside of the sleep, is I wanted to change my workouts a bit in hopes that some variety may be beneficially to my lungs. On my late gym days I use the treadmill and have been attempting to speed walk for 5 min followed by jogging for five minutes. My goal was to work up to jogging the entire workout. I was pleasantly surprised how well my lungs took to the jogging walking combo and was hoping to see improvements in my jogging. (***Can I just throw in a side note here: In May 2014 I was told I could no longer jog due to medical reasons... take that suckers!!!CF can kiss my ass! Moving on...) However, as I jog more and walk less I have noticed some weird twinges in my knee post workout. Workout injuries are my biggest fear because I can't imagine what would happen to my poor lungs if I was injured and unable to workout. And it is so hard to get into a good workout routine and once you stop even for a week or two it can be torture trying to restart.

I am going to buy new running shoes in hopes my old pair was just a little too old to offer the appropriate support. I hope it works! Even though I absolutely adore swimming and I never have any weird aches or injuries from swimming a part of me thinks my lungs have gotten used to swimming and I don't notice as much clearance as I used to. In theory, I could work on my time and try to swim faster to give my lungs that extra boost, but I still need to be careful not to workout too hard or my O2 drops and being in a pool it isn't like wearing oxygen is an option. So I was hoping this small change in routine two days a week could provide the extra clearance I would like.

Hello Early Morning

Since I know you have been here before:


It is the first morning of getting back into my gym routine.
Alarm rings.
Is it the middle of the night? No? Shit, it is my gym day.
Push snooze
Alarm rings
Push snooze
Alarm rings
Turn alarm off and sit up. Debate laying back down to sleep just a little longer. Fight the urge and get up. Get bathing suit on and drink a glass of milk.
Think of a million reasons why the gym can wait until tomorrow.
Fight those negative thoughts, grab gym bag and walk out the door.
Realize it feels chilly and debate turning back and going inside. Who wants to swim when it is chilly?
Drive to gym. Turn off car and procrastinate a few seconds and worry you may be an utter failure at the gym and humiliate yourself by being incredibly out of shape.
Ignore the negativity and go inside.
See the usual girl at the front desk and feel a sense of relief because the familiarity of the old routine is setting in.
Go to the locker room to find the smile of a woman that always swims before you. "The water is great today."
Stand at the edge of the pool, jump in and start swimming. It feels familiar and, dare I say, nice?
Do 10 laps and feel an unfamiliar ache in your triceps and realize your still 60 laps from doing your usual workout. Have a quick moment of panic.
Realize your arms are tired before your lungs and feel pure joy! Get a second wind and swim on.
Realize you won't get your full 70 laps in and allow yourself to settle for 50.
Hope in the shower and feel like a bad ass for going to the gym and not dying.
Spend the rest of the day feeling proud and exhausted.

Rinse and repeat everyday... for the rest of your life.

Returning To The Pool

The pool is open! The pool is open!! The pool is open!!!


Can you tell I am excited. If you remember in April (holy crap, it was that long ago?) my gym closed their pool due to plumbing issues and then decided since the pool was out of commission they would refinish it (which it desperately needed).


Well, after seriously way too long they are finally open again tomorrow morning! So guess where I will be? Trying to see if I can pull myself out of bed at 5:20 again (eek) an attempt to swim again. I am actually super excited to be back at the pool every morning. I tried to still work out without the pool, but nothing gives my lungs a work out like swimming and it was really hard to stay consistent with exercise that I just didn't like.


Now I need to dust off my fitbit flex 2 (which just depressed me when the pool was closed) and see what these old lungs can do...

Tomorrow Morning

You know when you get sick and you don't have enough energy to fit everything you need to into the day? And you end up skipping the gym to conserve what little energy you do have? And you end up missing a full week of working out? And then that week turns into 2 1/2? And then you feel better, but your scared to go to the gym because now you are out of shape? You know that little post sick dilemma?

No? Maybe that is just me.

Well, after a full two and a half weeks of sleeping in and not working out I promised myself I would go to the gym tomorrow morning no matter what! I am now sorta freaking out about waking up early, and if my favorite lane will be open, and if I will successfully be able to swim an actual lap, and if I will be able to survive the day with less sleep or more exertion than I have had to cope with in several weeks.

The longer I wait to start up again the harder it will be so tomorrow I will suck it up and start my day at the gym again.

My Fitbit Is A Liar

The other day I wrote about how my fitbit proved I was a liar. Apparently, my fitbit isn't so honest either.

I was getting ready for bed the other evening and had just finished my treatments. I was going into the kitchen to take all my evening pills when suddenly my fitbit vibrated and I got a notification on my phone that I had completed my workout goal for the week. Perplexed as to how I reached my 5 day goal when I hadn't even worked out that day, I opened my app to find I had apparently rode my bike for 20 minutes that evening. My fitbit mistook the vibrations from my Vest as the movements used while biking.

Although I found this mixup humorous, it did make me think how nice it would be to have an exercise tracker that could also keep track of treatments and medications!

Polar Bear Plunge

I missed a few days of workouts because the whole fiasco with missing some Orkambi which made me too short of breath to workout. Friday I decided my lungs felt well enough to get back into my usually workout routine. I set my alarm and found myself checking into the gym early morning. To my dismay the girl working the front desk informed me that the pool was closed for maintenance and apologized for any inconvenience. Sigh, I wished I had decided to sleep in that day instead.

Over the weekend, I called to ensure the pool would be ready for Monday morning as I didn't want another early morning without a workout. The gym staff assured me the pool was up and running. So this morning, I found myself back at the gym and more than ready to get back into my workout routine. As hard as it is to get myself out of bed to go to the pool I never feel myself when I skip and so I really do enjoy my morning workouts. After checking in (and yes the pool was open!) I ran through the heavily falling rain to the pool, sat on the edge to adjust my goggles and dipped my feet into the water. Eeek! The water felt like ice! I went to the heat pump to check the water flow to see if the water being pumped into the pool was warm (it always is at this time in the morning) and it was also coming out as ice.

I wasn't about to miss another workout and so in I went for my very own polar bear plunge (although the mornings have been around 50 so I guess I really can't pretend I am as crazy... err... brave as the people that really do the plunge). I will say that being forced to swim in cold water sure encouraged me to swim a lot faster though!

Here is to hoping tomorrow morning that the pool will be open and the water will actually be warm!

Slow Motion

There was a time in my life that I would start a new workout routine and instantly my lungs would respond. I remember being so amazed when I started swimming again after a long break and my lung function jumped to some of the highest levels I had seen in a long time. I naïvely assumed that this meant that if people started exercising they would absolutely see positive changes in their lung function. See, the problem with CF is sweeping generalizations just don't hold up. What works for you doesn't mean it will work for someone else and even more mystifying is what works for you now may not work for you later.

About two and a half years ago. I had just gone through a horrible time in my health and very slowly started working out again because it was the first time in a long time my body would even allow me to work out. I started with water aerobics and had trouble keeping upon with the 60+ year old women in my class. Seriously, I was half their age and most of them smoked me in the pool with workouts. Humbling to say the least.

I eventually worked up to swimming laps. I did about 15 laps and took minute long breaks between each laps to catch my breath enough to try another lap. I was humiliated and ashamed that I was the youngest person in the pool and yet everyone's beautiful continuous laps that started long before I arrived at the pool and continues far beyond the time I left made me feel weak and broken. I would repeated excuses in my head as I did laps, "I have 30% lung function, but when I was healthier I could swim like you too," as if the other swimmers could read my mind and would be less judging when they heard my silent explanation.

I made progress and started swimming for about 15 minutes with fewer breaks although I only managed to do breaststroke (the easiest stroke for me) and hadn't built up the lung power to try front crawl. I was feeling less ashamed and humiliated until and older woman made a comment, "You are like my husband. You work out for about 15 minutes...I guess that is all you need." She was more talking out loud than saying it in judgment, but I remember feeling like I never wanted to show my face there again. I wasn't being lazy and working out as little as possible, it was all I could manage!

Eventually, swimming got easier. I started swimming 40 laps (front crawl!) and often only stopped because my oxygen sats dropped too low and forced me to stop. Over time, I slowly worked up to 50 laps, then 60 laps, and currently I do 75 laps before I call it quits. I don't stop between laps and no longer need to pull myself from the pool because of oxygen issues.

And as for my naïve assumption all those years ago? Over two years my lung function hasn't budged even 1% point. Not yet, at least. I think about how hard it was to do two consecutive laps two years ago and now I can do 75 in a row and it is hard to believe my lung function hasn't changed. However, I know my lungs have changed! They are in much better condition than they were two years ago. I know my oxygen saturation is better and overall my lungs are healthier and clearer. I may not have been rewarded with higher pfts, but I do believe exercise is allowing me to have a good quality of life despite my low lung function. Also, when I am in the pool I don't feel sick, I feel strong and healthy and powerful now. That is something, as someone with CF, I don't often feel out in my regular life. So emotionally and mentally it helps me too. I guess when I think about all the benefits exercise has given me, I can't be too disappointed that it hasn't helped my lung function (at least not yet...).

My Fitbit Proved I Was a Lair

I think of myself as an exercise conscious person who prioritizes my health. So when I got a fitbit I was curious as to my results, but assumed I would be in pretty good active standing. My fitbit proved I was a lair! After a few weeks of using the fitbit (omitting the week we got the stomach flu) here is the honest truth of my exercise\self care.

The Good:
Sadly, this is the only good news my fitbit had for me! I have the fitbit flex 2 which means I can swim with my fitbit and it keeps the stats of my swimming workout which I love! The fitbit told me I actually swim much further than I was telling myself. When I changed gyms years ago I went from a gym that had an Olympic sized pool to a gym that does not. The drastic size different always made me downplay how much I swim. Not only do I swim a further distance than I thought, but I exercise longer than I thought. I always said I swam for 20 minutes (I never time it and just try to get to the gym, swim, shower, and dress within an hour), but my fitbit let me know I swim continuously for 30 minutes.

The Bad:
I am much less active than I thought! To be fair, it is winter and it has been cold and very rainy. Although we usually still get outside to play and walk despite the rain we just don't last nearly as long as when the weather is nice. Also, my winter garden this year is pretty basic and filled with food that needs almost no care (garlic, lettuce, peas, and perennials) so I am not spending much time out there. However, I was shocked that most days I struggled to get 10,000 steps. And without making too many excuses, swimming doesn't give me step credits (obviously) so despite working out every morning when I get home from the gym I have only logged ~100 steps from the parking lot and changing room.

The Ugly:
I was also curious about my sleep because I know when I wake up early to swim I am probably not getting as much sleep as I should. I had no idea how bad my sleep stats really are. I average around 6 hours a night. I also have a few wakeups (which I knew). I also have a lot of restless sleep, which I can't really help and assume everyone does. I was just shocked at how few hours a night I get. No wonder I feel so tired all the time! Lack of sleep and CF really aren't a great combination so I am now consciously trying to put myself to bed at a more reasonable time for my early wake up time.

Now that I know where I lack when it comes to leading a healthy lifestyle (SLEEP and walking) I am hoping to make changes to lead a healthier and more active lifestyle!

Unusual Therapy

The other day my husband, Kaylee and I found ourselves wandering around an arcade. Kaylee was having fun playing all the arcade games geared towards little kids, you know the bowling, wack a mole, carousel, etc. All of the sudden she stopped dead in her tracks, pointed her little finger and shouted with the gusto only little kids seem to posses, "I want to play THAT one!"

The game that caught her eye had three shelves with pins (that looked like clowns) and a reservoir of balls. My husband and I knew this game was way out of her league. First off, she couldn't even reach the reservoir of balls let alone throw them the distance that required to knock down pins. But life is short and really besides 50 cents we didn't have anything to lose so we agreed. My husband held her so she was able to see what she was doing and I passed her the balls she couldn't reach herself. With all her might she chucked those balls at each of those pins and when the buzzer sounded to let us know that the game had finished she had hit a total of zero pins.

Kaylee, realizing that maybe she was being overly ambitious, decided that once was enough. My husband on the other hand wanted his chance. And before long a friendly competitive game of "who can score higher" broke out between the two of us. (Not that it matters, but for the record I totally won). However, we kept falling short of the coveted high score and accompanying jackpot. And just like you teach little kids when trying to solve a problem, we decided teamwork was our best strategy. Within two more attempts the machines lights and buzzers were going crazy, we won the jackpot!

At this point Kaylee, who wasn't really all that impressed with out success, was ready to move on. I waited while the machine kept spitting out tickets while my husband and Kaylee went on to other games. After a moment, I could hear my husband laughing. I looked up to find he was laughing at me, "All that money on a vest and a 50 cent game works so much better." I realized that I was coughing...a lot! Who would have thought that an arcade game could be such amazing airway clearance!

Cool Days and Morning Laps

"I am just a head!" my daughter can be heard shouting, her entire torso and limbs submerged, when the bath has turned lukewarm and the chilly air in the bathroom is too cold for comfort. This is my cue to grab the towel off the towel rack, hover it just inches from the bathwater and wrap her the second she emerges from the chilly bath. She is then whisked into the living room where I wrap her in a blanket so she can warm up. Oddly, this routine is the same whether it is the dead of winter or a scorching 100 degree day.

Lately, when I finish my morning laps, I feel like shouting, "I am just a head" because I too find the idea of letting even an inch of my wet body be exposed to the morning air chill inducing. The warmth from heated pool can feel like a safe cocoon from the cold morning air. I find myself in a daily battle between pulling my body from the warm water to briskly walk the 20 ft to the changing room and doing just a few more laps just to stay warm for a few moments longer. And for those lazy days? I fight with myself trying to convince myself to stop huddling in the corner of the pool staring at the clock wondering how late I can push my shower.

How many more months until spring?

Accountability

Most mornings I start my day at 5:20am. I crawl out of bed, pull on a bathing suit, puff my bronchodilator, grab a glass of milk and drive to the gym. I come home, showered, dressed, and having my workout done to a sleeping household. I quickly start my treatments so I don't waste any precious time before my daughter wakes up. She comes wandering into the living room sometime around 7-7:30am. By this point, I am sipping my morning coffee and somewhat impatiently waiting for her to wake up. My favorite part of this routine is that when Kaylee wakes up I am all hers. I can make her a healthy breakfast and sit and chat about our plans for the day. She gets a mommy that is totally present.

While I was feverish and sick I took a week off from the gym. My body was exhausted and I was able to sleep an extra 2 hours everyday which I felt I desperately needed. However, this meant she wandered into my room to wake me up when she was ready to start her day. I was groggy and tired and had no desire to get out of bed while she was bouncing with morning energy that only small children seem to possess. I threw fruit at her and snapped on the TV so I could start my 45 minutes of treatments. I was interrupted because she was still hungry, needed water, was bored watching TV, etc. She would try to tell me something, but I would be coughing so violently I couldn't respond which left her repeating herself over and over. In turn, it made me frustrated that she kept repeating things while I was coughing so hard I couldn't breathe and she got frustrated that I wasn't responding. My 45 minute treatments turned into an hour because of all the times I had to stop. By 8:30 I still wasn't showered, neither of us had breakfast and we were both a little grouchy. One morning after I strapped on my vest to start my treatments Kaylee asked me teary eyed, "Mommy, when are you going to do shaky (vest) in the middle of the night again? I like when you do that better."

Those two sentences were all the motivation and reassurance that I needed to know that my workout routine was something I needed to keep up for a very long time. It is better for my health and my lungs. It is better for me because I can do my treatments uninterrupted and in peace (the way I like it), and just in case that wasn't enough motivation, it made may daughter's morning experience so much better. Trying to fit in treatments and an exercise routine while parenting young children can be a challenge at best, but this time having a small child request that I workout again with tears in her eyes (although for selfish reasons on her part) was the very best motivation I could have asked for.

7 Weeks

7 weeks ago my head was foggy, my eyes blurred as my alarm rang out in the darkness that accompanied 5:20 in the morning. 7 weeks ago dragging my sleepy body out of bed, in what felt like the middle of the night, felt like torture at best. 7 weeks ago I left my house into the dark and frigid night air. 7 weeks ago I pulled over to admire the moon laying full and heavy in the sky. 7 weeks ago my teeth chattered as I walked the long outdoor hallway to the pool all while trying to convince myself not to just turn around and go home. 7 weeks ago I struggled while I swam my first few laps since last fall, huffing and puffing and sputtering. 7 weeks ago I lived for the weekend when the gym wouldn’t see my face.

A lot can change in 7 weeks.

 

7 weeks later, my body is already waking before my alarm rings out. 7 weeks later by 5:20 the sun has already made an appearance and the birds are cheerfully singing. 7 weeks later the walk to the pool, still cold, no longer makes me shiver right to the bone. 7 weeks later, 40 laps comes relatively easy, my arms and legs accustomed to the motions required for front crawl and breast stroke. 7 weeks later my lungs have adjusted and my oxygen levels stay 90 or above (most of the time). 7 weeks later, my arms show clear signs of definition and toning. 7 weeks later my hair is dry as straw despite wearing a swim camp. 7 weeks later I weigh 3lbs more than when I started, which I am convinced is muscle mass. 7 weeks later my body craves my morning swim. 7 weeks later I dread the weekend when I don’t swim because my cough will be more prevalent all day long. 7 weeks later I am proud of myself for fitting this missing puzzle piece back into my self care plan.

Public Pool Humiliation Again Again

Yes, I used again twice in my title. Yes, I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I never claimed to be a real writer and it is the internet... they let anyone post anything. There are no rules.

My favorite exercise over the years has always been swimming. Yes, I have dabbled in other forms of exercise like jogging and zumba, but I always find my way back to swimming because we have history together. And as the title implies our history has not always been drama free. In fact, nowhere else in my entire life have I experienced humiliation like I have at a swimming pool. And although it has been years since I had an episode such as explosions of mucus or a nip slip complete flashing fiasco I have once again found myself humiliated while donning a bathing suit.

This evening when I arrived at my gym I frantically shoved my belongings into the locker slammed it shut, programmed my locker with my secret code and half walked/ran to the pool. I have this irrational fear that if I don't get to the pool as quickly as possible after arriving at the gym someone will take the last lane and I will have to wait for someone to leave so I can workout. It makes no logical sense, but there you have it.

So I have a decent workout and go to redeem my items from my locker. I punch in my lock code and nothing happens. Oops, wrong locker. I try a a different locker, nothing. I decide to shower and try again afterwards, as if that would change something. To my surprise it did change something. Instead of desperately trying to open my locker in a bathing suit I was now trying to open my locker while holding a towel around my naked self. And as I try over and over again the locker room starts to fill up with women getting changed for water aerobics. The more time I take trying to open this locker the more women start pouring in. Realizing it was a futile task I ask a woman to go to the counter and find someone to help me.

The gym employee comes in and asks for my secret code and starts punching the code in the keypad. I have been at the gym for over a year so I am pretty confident I know how to punch numbers on a keypad, but who was I, naked and cold, to judge. She then starts questioning me, "are you sure this is your locker?", "Are you sure it was on this wall?", Are you sure it was on the top row?" At this point I don't know anything anymore except that my naked confused self is providing a lot of entertainment to the other naked women in the locker room.

Finally, after I promised ten times and swore up and down that locker 122 was indeed the locker that contained my clothes (even though I had NO clue if that was true) she punched in her master code and opened the locker. Low and behold, it was my locker. Half the women cheered, it was that big of a deal. A couple murmured that was their worst fear, and eventually everyone left to their class.

And so now I have learned several lessons over the years: Don't try to retrieve mucus out of a pool, frumpy bathing suits are the way to go, and pay attention when locking up your belongings.

Senior Citizen Status

It is official, I have hit senior citizen status at the ripe old age of 30. Let me back up and explain how this happened. So about 2 months ago I joined the gym as suggested by my doctor. I joined a gym with a pool because I was strongly encouraged to swim since it is a great form of exercise for the lungs. However, for various reasons (including fear of failure) I was avoiding the pool. I went to the gym religiously, but I worked on weights and the elliptical machines, but did not step foot in the pool.

I promised myself last week that this week, the week after my daughters (2nd!!!!) birthday I would start swimming. Monday evening I had childcare for K so I knew my goal was to get in the pool and swim as many laps as possible even if it only meant one. I couldn't find my bathing suit, but since I promised myself that I couldn't come up with excuses I pulled out a tankini I had in the back of my closet and decided to go for it (hoping that nobody would be in the pool to see my beach rather than workout attire).

As I approached the gym I glanced through the fence to the pool hoping to see it vacant. No such luck! In fact, it was really really full. I also quickly noticed that these people in the pool weren't moving, but rather standing around in the water talking. This could only mean one thing- aqua aerobics was about to start. You know, that old lady exercise class that takes over the entire pool. I quickly realized, by looking at the gym class schedule, that the pool would be occupied for the next hour for aqua aerobics which meant I could not do laps. I was standing there in flip flops and my bathing suit and I realized I was left with two options: leave or join the class. I promised myself I would get in the pool so there I was, all 30 years of myself, among 60, 70, 80 year old women.

You know what though? The one thing I did not know about aqua aerobics was that you jump the entire class. Yeah, like jump and clap under your thighs, jump in the splits (HA!), jump to the side, just jump jump jump. And if there is one thing that really shakes up mucus it is jumping. I found myself coughing half way through. I even started coughing to the point that I was starting to get those side glances from the other women and I wanted to shout, "I am not sick, don't worry!!" So despite being 30 years younger than everyone in the class I plan on going next Monday and even the Monday after that!

**Oh and I did get to the pool a few days later and was actually able to get way more laps than I ever imagined I would be able to do after being out of the pool for so long. Take that, 33%!!!***

When Running Is No Longer an Option

Part of my current goal for my health is to gain weight, but more importantly to gain muscle. I am on an appetite stimulant and am quickly gaining the fat I lost through being so sick, but now I have the job of using that energy and calories and gaining as much muscle as possible, since it is a better weight to have. Muscle is much harder to lose than fat so I want to gain weight, but mostly in the form of muscle. The question is how to gain muscle and build my lungs when my lung function is so very low. I took for granted how easy it was to work out with 50% lung function. It seems like an unbelievably daunting, almost impossible task, when your lung function is so very low.

While discussing working out with my doctor last clinic he told me with the most empathetic tone that he doesn't think I should jog anymore. He feels it is too much of a strain for my body and I need to try things that build muscle, but are low stress on the body such as yoga, pilates, weight training on weight machines, etc. He was so sweet in his delivery, worried I would be upset being told I could no longer run, but in my head all I could think was, "YESSSSSSSSSSSS!" 

I started running so I could quit the gym because we needed to save money. Being sick is expensive! Co-pays, prescriptions and my hubby has had to take more time off work than he has sick days for because of my hospital stays and frequent sickness so we have been extra tight when it comes to finances lately. But in all honesty, I hate hate hate running.

So as my doctor requested I rejoined the gym. I had already started going to yoga again a few months back. I have to say being back at the gym and being back in my yoga studio makes me feel so much healthier. I know it hasn't been long enough to actually make much of an improvement, but being in the places I used to go to when I was my healthiest (right before I had K) makes me feel like I am that person again, the "healthy" person, the strong person, the fit person. I feel a new sense of hope, being in these places knowing that each day I am slowly, but surely making my body, my lungs, my spirit just a little bit stronger. Maybe, just maybe someday I can be that healthy strong person again!

Who You Inspire

Don't worry, this isn't some brag post about how amazingly inspiring I am. In fact, it is actually about what a superficial freak I am, but more on that later...

I brought Kay to the river down the street a few days ago to let her chase the ducks (is that bad? I mean she lovingly chases them saying, Uppo Uppo quack quack" with her arms stretched out as if they would gladly run to her and let her pick them "uppo" and snuggle. Maybe that is considered animal abuse though. Hmmm, I may have to reconsider our hobbies). Anyway, my lazy self plopped under a tree to watch her shenanigans. As I was watching her I saw a woman on the other side of the river jogging. She was young and really didn't look out of shape, but I could tell she was really struggling. I was being rude and watching her as she exercised. She would run a little, then stop clearly exhausted. She would then start walking slowly until she built up the energy to jog a little again. She did this until she crossed the bridge and was on our side of the river. I creepily (in a non creepy way) watched her as she struggled to jog even a few feet at a time.

She slowly made her way to where Kay was playing. As she ran off I got to thinking about my own get-into-shape-adventure. I started jogging at the park a few houses down from my home because two laps of the park was equal to a mile. It was an easy way to gauge how far I had run. Unfortunately, as the weather is getting nicer the park is filling up with people. Okay, so this is fortunate since that is what the park is for, but it is unfortunate for me because I know I look like a 80 year old man when I run. I huff and puff and cough and the worse part is I am moving in sloooow motion. I always worry people must look at me and think, Geez why does that young woman look like she is going to die when she is barely moving her legs??

While I was creepily (in a non-creepy way) watching this woman struggle I thought to myself, good for her! She is clearly doing something that is difficult for her, but isn't giving up! I actually wanted to say I was proud of her, but realized that would be super weird and creepy so I refrained! The best part is she wasn't ashamed (or at least acted like she wasn't) despite her super slow pace. When I run in slow motion past people I usually pretend I am so into my music that I don't even notice them so I don't have to make eye contact with them because that would be humiliating (even the time the dog was chasing me and I thought I was going to pee my pants because I was terrified he was going to eat me alive).

So thanks to the random woman who was running along the river I am totally inspired to ignore the voices in my head saying I look like I am about to die every time I jog (even though I often feel that way) and instead I will tell myself I may be inspiring someone who is too nervous to try to get back in shape. At the very least I am making people thankful that they are not as out of shape as I am which, hey, whatever I can do to make my fellow man and woman feel better about themselves is fine with me.

Running again

I started running again! Okay, by run I mean jogging. Okay, Okay, by jogging I mean walk fast with a jogging motion. I am pretty sure I saw a centipede pass me by, but you get the idea. I am trying and that's what counts, right? After spending a week in the hospital where all I had was an exercise bike (lame exercise for my lungs) and then a week doing IVs, treatments 4x/day and wanting to pass out at 8:00 every night I got out of my running jogging jogging-like routine. It is amazing how quickly your lungs get out of shape when you take a little exercise vacation. In order to get my lungs back into shape I have been jogging(ish) every single day rain or shine (luckily, no snow for us and a cold day is anything under 60 degrees so "rain or shine" isn't really an impressive statement).

Today, my mom came to play with Kaylee for a while so I figured I would do an extra long jog just for good measure. So I did and guess what? When I got home I fell in a heap on my bed. And then I got stuck. Seriously, my body was boycotting life. So as I laid comatose in a pile on my bed I kept thinking of all the wonderful things I could do with my toddler-free time. I had laundry in the drier waiting to be folded and laundry in the wash waiting for the drier. How nice would it be to do laundry without a toddler "helping" take clothes from the dried one sock at a time. I needed a shower and how glorious would it be to shower without a little person frolicking around the bathroom taking a moment every few seconds to point at my naked body in the shower and shout with the excitement only toddlers have, "Cu cO!!!!" (Culo in Spanish and yes, yes, I know this is not the politically correct way to say gluteus maximus and these days you are supposed to teach your children the anatomically correct way to say body parts rather than teaching them some stupid nickname. BUT if you saw the way my daughter made a perfect little "o" with her lips and her the way she squeals, "Cu cO" you would totally teach your kid the same). I really needed to catch up on vacuuming and had some phone calls to make which would be so much easier in the silent absence of a toddler and yet I don't think my pillows ever felt so nice after my super strenuous run-jog-walk so there I laid pretending my home looked Martha Stewertesque, my laundry folded, my body showered, and my secretary was making my calls for me. At least I got my exercise in, right?

Exercising in Summer

It is not officially summer yet, but summer weather has arrived. Kaylee and I find ourselves sweaty after our  morning excursion in the vegetable garden so of course jogging has been put on hold for now. I find summer the hardest time of the year to fit in exercise. The weather makes strenuous outdoor exercise difficult and our days are so full it is hard to find the time for a good workout. Although our days are full of walking and biking I find these do very little for my lungs.

This year I found a solution! Literally right across the street there is a membership pool. Community pools are not ideal for exercising, but this pool is a little different. Every hour on the hour there is 20 minutes of adult swim. All kids have to get out of the pool and adults are allowed to do laps. For our little family this is perfect. We head over to the pool around 4:15. We all swim and play in the pool for about 45 minutes. Then my hubby and Kaylee get out and have a snack break in the shade while I do my laps for 20 minutes. When Family bonding time, exercise, daddy/daughter time, and sunshine all wrapped into one. Now I don't want summer to ever end!

I Shocked Myself!

Why you ask? Because today I went jogging!! Yes, Inhaling Hope, who does not run no matter the circumstances went jogging! I laced up my shoes, put Kay in the jogging stroller and instead of our usually leisurely walk I decided to jog (relatively slowly) instead.

Now I know many of you (especially you marathon cysters and fibros) are shrugging your shoulders, what's the big deal? The deal is that I am a swimmer. I love the pool, I love doing laps, I love the cool smooth feel of the water. I am not a jogger, I hate to jog, I hate sneakers, and I hate the feel of hot hard concrete. BUT I can't swim everyday and I am having this intense need to be healthier, stronger, more fit. I am watching my daughter grow older and more active and I want to keep up with her. So today, and from now on, I am a jogger.

I told Kay as we started walking on the greenbelt that I was attempting to jog and that I could not guarantee success. Lucky for me she was too busy saying, "dog dog woof woof!" to really care about my plans. I told myself when I turned the first corner I would start to jog. I put my stroller jogging strap on (which is a joke because I was running .00004 miles per hour and it isn't like the stroller would wildly lose control if I fell to my death, but safety first I guess!) and off I went. For the first 3 seconds I felt good. In fact I think I liked it for the first 7 seconds. About 30 seconds in I remembered why I hate jogging, but I pushed that annoying voice to the back of my head and kept at it. At 1 minute in I remembered I only have 50% lung function and started to breath heavy (is that normal so soon??). At 2 minutes in I was already in this sucks mode. But the good thing about jogging on a greenbelt is there are other people to impress. Not that any of those dog walkers, bikers, or senior citizens cared about my slow motion jogging, but in my mind they would be thinking I was a super out of shape loser if I stopped jogging so I kept at it. I jogged for what seemed like 3 miles, but I think it was only about 1/4 mile.

My goal for the rest of the summer is to swim 3-4 days a week and jog 3 days a week. I feel so motivated to kick CF's butt!! I will keep you updated on my progress.