How far along are you?

So I have the infamous CF belly. It is probably the strangest part of CF which is saying a lot because there are a LOT of weird things that come with CF. The CF belly is greatly highlighted by the CFers tiny slender arms, our fat free legs and thighs (also known as chicken legs or as my husband lovingly calls them frog legs) and our slender frame. It is just so random to have a round belly among all these skinny little extremities. The other fascinating part of the CF belly is that it seems to come and go without rhyme nor reason. There may be a day that all seems right in the world with my CF body: no problems with my gut, nothing unusual eaten, and no forgotten enzymes and YET my CF belly will be full force. In fact this happened on Thursday. As each hour passed my belly seemed to pouch a little bit more. By the evening I was sitting on the couch and looking at my beer belly. I called hubster over and asked had him check it out. We both laughed at how huge my stomach looked. Today, flat as a pancake. Huh? With my new enzymes I never really have bad gut days and can't remember the last time I felt gassy or bloated and yet my CF belly still finds days when it is all too visible. And so I share with you, cysters, my not so dear friend: The CF belly.

BTW it was REALLY hard to find pics of the belly. With digital cameras I just push delete if I look hugely pregnant. Also, usually when I am getting my picture taken I do the suck in :)

Here is a great example. Skinny arms and legs, but what is that little baby bump doing!? Thank god I am not a celebrity, I would be all over the tabloids as pregnant EVERY month.


Okay, here is a doozy! The worst CF belly pic I have. I am even embarrassed to post it, but hell here it is anyway!

I totally look like a have a giant beer belly or I am immensely pregnant! I just love how it starts all the way under my girls at my rib cage. Like how does that happen it isn't even considered the stomach area?! Luckily, my belly does not usually look like this, but on random off days when my belly decides to grow into an unsightly beast this is what I am left with.  


I am pretty sure this is what my belly looked like on Thursday when my husband and I were laughing at my CF bump. It is actually worse when I sit down because it seems to sit on top of my pants making it appear even larger.

And I learned the hard way that you can't work out until the belly is gone because it has nothing to do with stomach muscles or body fat. Besides CFers have the strongest belly muscles around from our daily coughing workout. So for now I will simply have to enjoy my good belly days and on the bad belly days I will simply enjoy people going out of their way to help the pregnant lady.

Here are some beautiful cysters who are also willing to share their CF belly with the CF world! Seriously, we are all beautiful, belly and all!

• Colleen from *Live*Laugh*Love*Breath posted about hers here.
• Megan from Breathing Deeply, Laughing Loudly, and Living Fully posted about hers (and a great idea for buying pants with a CF belly) here

Feel free (if you are as crazy as me) to blog your CF belly and I will link you to my post.

Clubbing Sans Music

CF is unique from many other diseases because to the outside world we often look healthy albeit a little skinny. People are often shocked when I tell them I have a chronic condition because they expect me to look sick or have an outwardly visible sign of my illness. In my teens years, and honestly even to this day, I am grateful that by appearance I am not labeled as "sick" or "different." With this being said, there is a small hint hidden among my body besides the subtle PICC scars that can clue one in that something is not quite right.

I was often teased for one thing in elementary school: my finger nails. It was only by a couple of kids, but for the life of me I could not figure out why. (I had a late diagnosis. Check out My Cf Story for more details)I would look at my nails completely baffled. What was so weird or different about them? I needed to know and because I was to mortified to ask my teasers, I made a conscious decision to start noticing other kids' nails. I quickly discovered that all nails look really different which left me perplexed. Some kids had nubby nails, others were chewed almost completely off, others had long nail beds, but mine were weird?. I couldn't figure it out. I went home and looked at my siblings nails. All 3 of us had very different looking nails. How did kids decide that out of all the different nails in the world mine were weird.

One summer, my aunt came to visit my family. We rarely saw her and we were so excited to see her again. As we were all gathered around breakfast my parents asked her to look at my nails. She was nurse and because at this time we still were trying to figure out why I coughed so much they thought she may have some insight. I know my family did not do this to make me feel bad, but I couldn't help feeling immense amounts of shame washing over my body. I was a freak and even my parents thought so! I honestly have no idea what she said. I am sure she knew it was clubbing and linked to lung disease, but I was melting away inside my own skin and did not hear a word anyone said.

Not long after this incident I was finally diagnosed with CF. The Dr explained the clubbing of my fingers and toes. (Here is some info if you don't know what it is. ) With the Drs explanation I realized why people said my nails were different; they were different. I was 14 and the fact that I was truly different (proven by a Dr) made me quickly decide that I never wanted to wear sandals that showed my toe nails and that I wanted to disguise my finger nails with polish. I become quiet the manicurist at that age.

I am happy to say that I no longer feel ashamed of my nails. Once my peers become less critical of others and their own self hate disappeared the teasing stopped and was often replaced with compliments. I have had several people ask me if my nails are fake when they are polished. When I explain, "No, they really are my natural nails" they often look at me like I am a liar. In fact, last year before my wedding I was getting a manicure and the manicurist was raving over my amazing nails beds. With all that being said just yesterday some man was intently staring at my feel in flip flops. I couldn't help, but feel a blush of red creep up my face and I wiggled uncomfortably going right back to that place in junior high where my nails brought me so much shame. Maybe he was daydreaming and my feet were where his eyes rested, maybe he liked my flip flops or maybe his daughter had CF and he recognized a stranger's foot. I will never know, but frankly I really don't care. I still love my nails despite their "flaws."

(Polished toe nails on my honeymoon)

(Polished fingernails. I rarely take pics of my fingers so I don't have a non-polished pic)


Click here to see a great link about why clubbing happens.