The Right Direction?

I am not superstitious, I really am not. And yet, I feel nervous writing this in case I jinx myself. In case, by writing these words for others to read it will make me unworthy of what is happening and everything will vanish as mysteriously as it came. But as much as I am currently doubting it, I am in fact, not superstitious so here it goes.

There has been a shift. A subtle shift. It is not that my breathing is necessarily any easier and I am not sure if my lung function increased at all, but there seems to be a difference in the way I feel each day. I am noticing I am doing so much more throughout the day and not feeling like I want to fall into bed long before my daughter is tucked into bed.

I can function like a human being again. I can make it through more than one outing without feeling like all of my energy is completely drained. I feel like I am slowly crawling away from deaths door, because really I was hardly living a life anymore. Not that I was deathly ill all the time, but it seemed that when I was "better" I wasn't my old self and it would only last a week at most before I felt horrific, completely useless.

Today for example, I ended up taking a nap for about 40 minutes. However, this nap allowed me to have enough energy to work in the garden, make homemade pesto and homemade ice tea (using herbs from our garden for both), and homemade mounds bars for dessert. I then did the dishes, washed the windows, vacuumed the whole house, wrote this blog and did my nails. And you know what? I am still standing and don't feel exhausted yet. A month ago, I would need a nap and still not be feeling well enough to do much all day besides caring for my little one.

I am also realizing why I may have been so sick. I feel like we, the doctors and I, were baffled at why I couldn't get better. I think there were some obvious issues like my immune system and body still recovering from the flu which resulted in continuous colds and illness. My body was repeatedly getting knocked down. However, I am almost positive I had an infection deep in a pocket of my lungs where mucus is completely trapped. The fevers were an obvious sign of infection, but oddly enough my mucus was thin and light in color so I never felt like I actually had a respiratory infection. I would feel better after abx (although my mucus already looked "good" so it never seemed to change much), but I would seem to fall sick again almost immediately with a cold that would result in a fever. I think I wasn't being treated long enough for how bad the hidden infection was, but since I had none of my usual obvious signs of respiratory infection we never thought to keep extending the abx. My increased airway clearance and nebs weren't touching the area of my lungs that were infected so they weren't making a difference.

This last appointment, I asked to stay on my meds (Levaqui and Bactrim) for 3 weeks instead of my usual two since it seemed that I would just start to feel "better" when my meds would end. I also started to worry about the lung pain I kept feeling on my left side which seemed to be a sign of infection. I think the 3 weeks of antibiotics plus the added weight gain is what may have finally given my body a fighting chance.

Like I said, I can tell my lungs aren't even close to where they used to be and I know it will be a long road ahead, but at least for now I feel like I can live my life the way I am supposed to with my amazing little girl and my wonderful husband. I can enjoy the daily aspects of life again and what could be better than that!

Bactrim and IVs

I started Bactrim last week after feeling a little extra junky and wheezy for a while now. I go to the doctor Friday to do a lung function test to see if my PFTs are back to baseline. If not, I will be getting a PICC line put in for a nice course of IV antibiotics. I am hoping my numbers are okay because I don't want to give up swimming after starting up again and because I have a feeling a PICC with a 7 month old will be an interesting challenge. I feel better, but I am not sure I feel good enough to be back at baseline. Wish me luck this Friday!!

And So It Begins...

As I mentioned earlier, I am on the "good stuff" which comes with some not so good side effects. I love being on orals (vs PICC) because I can still swim and be active, but my body really hates them. I used to take them with no problems at all, but for the past year or two I get one particular nasty side effect! I have been on them for only a few days and it has already set in.

This morning I made a big breakfast with bacon and sausage (sometimes being a CFer has its perks)and eggs. The second I put down my fork after finishing off my meal the Bactrim hit hard! I looked at my husband and said, "I really feel like I need to throw up!" A wonderful thing to say to someone who is still eating, I know! Luckily, I never actually throw up, but I am tortured for a good while after every meal. I went and moaned on the couch...mainly for sympathy and over time it passed and life went on.

Fast forward to the early evening. I was hungry after yoga and because you can't eat junk food after yoga I decided to make a smoothie. I also find that liquids are less barf inducing. As I got everything ready I focused on how delicious it would be to distract myself from any oncoming nausea. The fruit was ripe and as I cut into each piece it gave off an amazing aroma. Everything seemed fine and no inkling of nausea. Pouring it in the glass, it looked perfect and I felt fine. I took a few sips and actually really enjoyed it. About 4 sips in, Bactrim took over and FAST. Ugh! I so want to barf right now. I really can't complain about it because people don't appreciate being told you want to blow chunks all the time. Something about it is a turn off. So here I am staring at a beautiful smoothie, listening to my stomach grumble from hunger, wishing I could just insert the smoothie in my stomach without actually drinking it.