12 Months

My Little Love,
You are one whole year today! This journey we have been on, you and I, is made of pure magic. I am grateful every morning when I open my eyes to your bright little face that you and I are in this life together. You fill my days with joy, my heart with pride and my soul with love. You bring more joy, sunshine, and immeasurable love to my life and I can only hope that I do the same for you. You are my everything little one! You have changed so much over the course of a year it makes me dizzy to think about. This past month you started to run! Yes, run! You have also become quite independent and although you always comes back to check in with mama you have no problem exploring your world without me. 

Things You Like: Other kids. You make friends everywhere you go. We went to Fairytale town and out of nowhere a little girl came up and held your hand for a full minute before her mother called her away. At the park the other day somehow all the kids congregated around you in the sandbox to dig by your side. You love other babies and they love you back! You absolutely love birds. When you see or hear a bird you yell, "DO DO!" (short for pato- duck in Spanish) and point to the shy with your little "oh!" face. You also loves airplanes. When you hear one you point to the sky (again with the "oh!" face). 

You also love to play with your truck outside while making "brooom broom noises. I love that you play in the dirt, push trucks around, but also are a little princess who loves baby dolls and dresses! You are also a little artist who loves to play (and eat- eew) chalk and color. 

Things You Dislike: Clothes and especially diapers. You are my little nudist and since it has been so hot you stomp around the garden in your birthday suit. It is hard not to smile seeing you marching around naked!

What I Like About This Age: I love that you understand humor now. Sometimes you will pretend you are going to bite our toes and then pull away at the last minute laughing. You love to put things on your head because you know it is silly. You also totally get when we are trying to be silly too. It makes for such fun interactions.

New Words: You now cheer for yourself (and at times for others) by saying, "yay! It really is the cutest thing. You like to clap and say yay for just about everything you do. You can also say, "ball", "hot", and agua now comes out as "AHHHHHH" which we think is adorable. You still love saying, "No". You make your lips so teeny tiny in a little o shape when you say, "no, no, no, no" and it really is the cutest thing. You love to mimic noises which is too much fun.

You, my love, made all my dreams come true that Tuesday evening in June and for that I will forever be indebted to you! I can't wait to see what this life has in store for you, papi, and me!

11 Months

Dear Kaylee Marie,
You are 11 months old today! Only one more little month and you will be a whole year! I know it is probably because I am your mom (and I am sure all moms think this way), but I think you are the smartest baby on this entire plant! You have grown and changed so much I feel I need to write a novel, but I will try to just mention the highlights.

You have mastered WALKING, little one. What a big accomplishment and you absolutely love walking.You also try running sometimes. You have this game you play with Papi that he hides behind the corner and you walk down the hall. When you get close to him he jumps out and chases you. You turn around and run until you fall and crawl away, laughing the entire time. The only thing you love more than walking is dancing and baby girl, you have some amazing moves! You dance while sitting, standing, or squatting. you never miss any opportunity to dance!

You also love to let mommy have a turn. When I read you a book you have that has textured pages you like to hold my pointer finger in your hand and make me touch the texture so I can feel it too. When you eat or drink anything you like to hold it out so I can taste it. You like to turn off the light and sometimes you reach for my finger and make me turn off the light. You love to include me and I love that about you!

You are an amazing communicator and not just with words (more on that later). The other day you had your first big fall while walking. You were walking out of your room when you fell and bumped your head on the door frame. You cried, I snuggled you and all was well again. You then looked at me, walked to the door, pointed to it, squatted down and in slow motion gently bumped your head against the same spot you bumped it before. You then looked right at me and pointed to the door frame again as if to say, "that is what happened!"

Things You Like: Blowing on dandelions. In fact you love it so much that sometimes you try to blow other random flowers hoping the petals will blow away like the dandelion seeds. You love the palm trees in our front yard, seriously you just love them! You love airplanes and get excited and point to the sky whenever one goes by. You also love opening and closing your hand. You do this when saying, "bye bye", but you also like to do it when I sing a little song about opening and closing our hands.

Things You Dislike: You are a pretty easy going kid, but you absolutely are hitting that, "I do it" stage. You want to do everything yourself and get frustrated when you can't. You like to hold your own glass to drink water and you are pretty good at it, but then you want mommy's glass and if I say, "no" you get pretty upset at me because you want to do everything I do.

New Words: Oh, how you love to talk and you seem to learn words so quickly. Here are your newest words: no no (you make your mouth really tiny for this and you wag your little finger), do do (with a hard O) for pato (duck in Spanish), do do (with a soft O) for dog. You also know what sound a dog makes, "woof woof". You can say 11 words and you are only 11 months old! See, I may just be on to something with this smartest baby ever thing...

10 Months

Oh Buggy,
You are 10 whole months today and you are growing into such an amazing person. You are physically so strong! You stand as much as you sit now! You started standing by yourself at 7.5 months, but now it seems you can stand for extended periods of time and you do it all the time! You love walking all around the house while holding mom or papi's hands, but you have made no attempt to take any steps on your own. That is okay with mommy! I would love it if you could hold off on the walking for a while!

You love to give us high five when we say, "Dame cinco!" and you still freely give kisses right on our mouths when we say, "Dame un beso!" You will also often wake me up with a slobbery kiss which is the sweetest thing I could ask for!

Things You Dislike: You are terrified of the running shower water. This makes showering for mommy very very difficult! You also really don't like getting your hair washed mainly because you hate getting water in your face and you love to tip your head down just as I am pouring water over it!

What I like About This Age: This is similar to last month, but I love how you repeat everything we do. Papi saw a dog and was telling you that a doggy says, "bark bark!" and you barked like a champion. Papi shushed you the other day because you were SO loud and you shushed him right back. I was blowing on your food this morning and you were blowing right along side of me.

New Words: What a chatter box you have become! You are still saying, "mama", "dada", "baby", "bye bye", and "num num" (food. Num num plus pulling on my shirt means you want to nurse. Num num while crawling around the house means you want table food). You have also added "happy" (although you don't really know the meaning), "agua", and "hi", and "up". "Hi" is my favorite and makes you very popular when we go out! When I shop with you in your carrier you say, "hi" to everyone that walks by. Most people are taken aback by this little person saying hi and stop to chat. When people find out how young you are they all say I am in big trouble because you are going to be a TALKER! I don't mind one bit because you have the cutest voice around!

9 Months

Dear Kaylee,

You are nine months old today. You have been outside of my body s long as you were inside my body. It seems strange to only have known you for nine months. It feels as if we have been together, mother and daughter, forever.

You follow simple directions now which is so amazing! You will throw the ball, put pieces in a puzzle when we point to the correct spot, you will put objects inside each other, when I say, "Kaylee, look at me" or "no no" you follow directions. It is amazing to see how much you understand about what we say already!

You are a dancing machine! You dance when you hear any type of music. You can be in the middle of crying, hear music, stop crying and dance away. Your love for dancing is shared by both Mommy and Papi so we love dancing right along with you.

Things You Dislike: You are much too busy exploring your world to take a break for a diaper change. The second I lay you on your back you flip over and crawl away. I have now mastered changing a diaper while you stand because it is the only way to keep you happy!

What I like About This Age: You love to mimic everything we do. You are such a little monkey and it entertains your Papi and I all day long. We have to be careful though because Papi said, "darn" the other day (although both mommy and Papi have been known to say words that are much less appropriate) and you repeated him perfectly.  

One thing that is challenging about this age is that you are alllll over the house. Treatment time has become very interesting as you repeatedly fly down the hall in a super speed crawl. When I retreive you it is only moments before you take off again. I love your independence (ha! to all the people that say "natural parenting" creates needy babies and you need to teach independence to your baby), but sometimes I wish you would independently play in the living room during treatment time!

New Words: You are finding your voice in the world and are learning to say some words. This month you have been saying, "num num" (food you like), "baby" (which you say about babies, but about adults sometimes too), "mom" (so weird to hear you call me mom at such a young age), and you have said, "bye" on occasion while waving. 

8 Months

Dear P,
You are 8 months old today. You have grown in leaps and bounds in the past few months and you continue to amaze me all the time. You are a champion speed crawler, standing by yourself (!), happily eating everything you can get your little hands on (including little pieces of dirt you find on the floor), and you got your second tooth! Your personality is coming out more each day and your Papi and I think you won the jackpot on personality.

Things You Like:
You have a fake laugh now. If we are being silly with you, but we aren't funny enough to elicit a real laugh you have this very fake laugh you'll give us as if to say you appreciate the effort. It is pretty darn cute. You are very very playful! You love when we play peek-a-boo around any corner and your Papi plays it with you so often that whenever he leaves the room you watch and wait to see if he peeks back in. You think life is a constant game of peek-a-boo. You know what you like! If we are doing something fun with you and you don't want to stop you are sure to let us know. For example, your Papi puts you on his shoulders and bounces around the house. You absolutely love it! When he stops to catch his breath you bounce wildly on his shoulders as if to say, "Again! Again!"

Things You Dislike: You know what you want and sometimes I think you are too smart for your own good. This leads to some frustration on your part and so we have seen a few mini temper tantrums this past month. Yikes, we may be in trouble! If we take something away from you that you had no desire to part with you  complain loudly while slapping the ground. It is pretty funny actually, but I doubt it will be funny when you are two and doing it in public.

What I like About This Age:
Oh little one, you can make us laugh so hard. You know when you are funny too because you make this goofy scrunched up face and show off your teeth when you do something goofy. You also show us how much you love us now. You will be crawling around exploring your ever expanding world and all of the sudden you will stop, crawl over to me or Papi and lay your head on us for a moment and then venture back into the world again. You also like to give us kisses when we least expect it, an open slobbery mouth against our cheek, leaving a mark of baby drool sliding down our skin. Oh, those baby hugs and kisses are one of the few things in life that are complete perfection.

7 Months

Dear Kay Bug,
You are 7 months old today!! Each day you look more and more like a little girl and less and less like my little baby. You learned to crawl this month and you adore exploring your world, making my life all the more exciting and hectic! You also got your first tooth which your father lovingly named Mr. Sharpy, cause watch out, he sure is sharp! We are still awaiting the arrival of Mrs. Sharpy, she seems to be just about to break through. You started giving us hugs which melt my heart a hundred times over. You come over and lay your head on us, body completely still, before scurrying off to play again. I hope you never lose your snuggly side. You also started eating food which is always fun and messy! You seem to love bananas and oatmeal. You also love feeding yourself little bits of banana by scooping them up with your thumb...you always loved using your thumbs!

Thing You Love: When you first wake up in the morning the very first thing you love to do is try to grab your sleeping papi's head full of curls. Oh boy, you love those curls something fierce. My mission is to pull you from bed before you can get a solid handful because for some reason your papi doesn't like to be woken up that way.

You love pulling yourself up into a standing position on everything and anything including all things dangerous like the door hinge. You are also overly confident and think you can let go only to find yourself in a pile on the floor.

This may embarrass you when you are older, but once you become a mother you will know why I had to include it, you love nursing! If you see me topless for any reason (getting dressed, coming out of the shower, etc.) you NEED to latch even of only for a few seconds. It reminds me to slow down and connect with you even when I am distracted by my own routine.

Things You dislike: Yesterday we went to a playgroup where a few of the kids were older boys (as in one and two year olds) that liked to scream loudly and run wildly around the house. You are accustomed to playing with babies your own age who are much less mobile and much less noisy. You kept looking at me like, "Save me" so I made an excuse and we quickly left. We got in the car I think we both let out a sigh of relief. Wild screaming boys aren't really your thing and you know what, little one, they aren't really my thing either. 

6 Months

My Dearest Kaylee,
You are six whole months today. Half way to a year. A few days ago the fact that you were about to be 6 months old started to sink in and it made me cry. I scooped you up in my arms and you laid your sweet little head on my shoulder while fat tears rolled down my cheeks. I cried for so many reasons and feelings. I cried because I still even after so long can hardly believe you are mine. I cried because time is going so quickly and I can do nothing to slow it down. I cried because I am so proud to call you my daughter.

You have changed so dramatically this month that it leaves me dizzy when I think about it. On your fifth month of life you were hitting milestones so quickly I ran out of room on month 5 in your baby book! You now can scoot backwards all over the room which makes mommy's chores much more interesting. You also now reach for us when you want us to hold you which is one of the sweetest things you have learned and your Papi and I melt when you reach for us. You love looking at the world upside down which makes us all laugh. You really are growing into such a fun little girl!

Things You Like: You LOVE your dad and he makes you laugh or smile constantly. I get a laugh every once in a while, but just looking at your dad makes you giddy. You love when I sing Baby Beluga or The Itsy Bitsy Spider. You love when I kiss your hands which always makes you smile. Watching someone jump makes you so excited every.single.time!

Things You Dislike: When we are driving and it is dark out. I think you get bored sitting in the dark. When I take too long to change your clothes. You are a free spirit and hate being confined, but you have been like that since the very beginning.

4 Months Old!!!!!!

Dear Little Peanut,
You are four months old today! I have to say in the last month you have become so much fun I can't stand it! My soft spoken sweet little girl is learning she has vocal cords and loves to play with volume when you talk. You love to talk, but are still selective in who you will talk to. Strangers will get a smile, but you never grace them with your chit chat. You roll both ways, but you get kinda mad when you roll on your back because you really dislike laying on your back staring at the ceiling. You grab just about everything and try to eat it.


Things You Love: All the things you adored in the past are now boring and old! You sometimes will glance at your pom poms, but during diaper changes you are usually too busy sucking on your toes. You may glance at your mobile, but you are usually too busy rolling over or pulling off your socks to notice it much. And fanny, well Fanny doesn't even exist in your world anymore. You love looking at the leaves on trees, watching me from your high chair in the kitchen, and watching us brush our teeth! Oh and the carseat you used to hate so much now doesn't bother you at all. Instead you play with your toys or talk to yourself and it is hard to believe, but sometimes you even fall asleep!

Things You Dislike: Oh and the carseat you used to hate so much now doesn't bother you nearly as much anymore. Instead you play with your toys or talk to yourself and it is hard to believe, but sometimes just sometimes you even fall asleep!

3 Months Old

My Blue-Eyed Girl,

You are three months old today! It is amazing how much my life has changed and improved since I met you. We grow closer every single day and I learn more about the little person you will grow up to be. I am so lucky to be your mommy and am thankful for you every single day.

Things You like: You like to make sure others know what you are feeling, but you are not the typical baby like cried when something is bothering her. No, my dear, you are unique in that when you are angry you make it clear by spitting (blowing raspberries). If you are in the car seat too long you spit to let me know. You want me to dress you faster? Spit. But spitting is not the only way you let me know what you want. When you are feeling like you are in need of more attention (as if you need more attention) you fake cough to make sure I know you need me.

Things You Dislike: You are not a fan of sleep during the day. You sleep well with mommy at night, but those naps are not your thing.

2 Months

Kaylee! You are 2 months old today!! I can't believe how much you have changed. You are much more independent now and you don't need mommy so much. In fact, you no longer nap on mommy (unless I need some extra snuggles) and daddy is pretty good at getting you to fall asleep on his shoulder. You are also sleeping more which I love, but someday I hope to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. That is okay though because sometimes even when you are sleeping i wake up just to stare at your little face which really is the cutest face i have ever seen!

Things You Love: When I sing songs to you! We sing a Spanish counting song and sometimes you  even sing along with a little, "oooh" or "gaaah"! You also have a new best friend, Fanny! I think you love Fanny almost as much as mommy and papi, but someday you will realize Fanny is just a ceiling fan and you won't be so infatuated. For now, you spend every morning after you wake up talking and smiling to Fanny. You also love the pom poms over your changing table and your mobile in your crib.When we are done changing you we lay you in your crib to wash our hands and you immediately look to your mobile. You often have little chats with your mobile animal friends.


Things You dislike: The hiccups. You get them often and they make you whine. I have to nurse you to make them go away. 

My favorite thing about this age: You make me laugh! You are so expressive and it is so fun to watch you react to your environment. I also love that now that your a little more independent I have a little more me time and sometimes I even get to eat a meal without nursing you. You have also recently found your voice and will even cry sometimes although not often. Even though you can be bossy I love watching you develop a little personality and acquiring likes and dislikes!

1 Month

I can't believe it has been a whole entire month since Kaylee came into our lives! I realize I have totally neglected my blog, but a snuggly little someone likes to distract me from my blogging. So here is a quick update on us.

• Kaylee now smiles which melts my heart into a big puddle every time she does it! She is most smiley in the morning. In fact, this morning we had a little cuddle on the couch and we were chatting it up and she threw about 5 smiles my way. There is literally nothing better in the world than your baby's smile.
• Kaylee had her first play date yesterday with a 2 1/2 months old. Although the day consisted of the mommies chatting there was a little squeal fest that happened between the babies.
• Kaylee is making a bunch of sounds now, but my favorite is her little owl sound, "whooo" So cute.
• Kaylee still has yet to really cry. I swear I was given the easiest baby ever (knock on wood). She grunts and wiggles when she has gas, when she is hungry she sticks her tongue out of her mouth then roots and if for some reason I haven't given her food yet she lets out a loud mew. When she is overtired she wants to nurse (tongue comes out to let me know) and then passes out soon after latching. She lets me know what she wants, but she really doesn't cry. To this day we have never had her cry and not know why and I think the longest she has cried was a few minutes when she really wanted out of her carseat.
• She HATES pacifiers and gags when we try to give them to her, as in she gags if they even touch her lips! She can be slightly dramatic!

She is the love of our lives and I can't even picture what my life was like before her. I have only been a mommy for one month and yet I feel like she has been a part of me forever.

Kaylee's Birth Story

This will be long, but Kaylee's birth was the most amazing day of my life and I don't want to leave out any details. I want to burn every single minute of the day into my memory because I never want to forget the day I met my daughter. It was honestly the most beautiful experience I have ever been through and even 3 weeks out my husband and I talk about some aspect of her birth at least once a day. Everyone is so fearful of childbirth, of the pain, of the unknown. I never felt that fear which I believe made the experience much more enjoyable. I think having CF has taught me that we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for and somehow no matter how challenging something may seem we always pull through. Besides everyone came to the world this way so it must be doable, right?

The night of the 11^th (Monday) I went to prenatal yoga as I do every Monday. I was having some Braxton hicks throughout the week and was told the past Wednesday I was 1-2cm and 70% effaced. I was beyond excited to meet my little girl and since we were only a few days away from her due date I decided to go all out and try to get this baby into the world. After yoga I went for my usual 30 minute walk and then was inspired to weed the garden which required me to squat for quite some time. After all that activity I felt nothing! Not even a Braxton hick so I came to terms that my baby was not ready to come into the world yet. Boy, was I wrong! 

Around 2:00am I started waking to a few contractions here and there. They were strong enough to wake me up, but not painful. By 5:30am they seemed to become more regular, but still not very painful and I was able to sleep through them. At this point I started to wonder if this was the beginning of real labor. By 8:00am I couldn't sleep very well anymore and decided to get up and eat and drink to make sure I wasn't in false labor. After eating I went back to bed to rest and save energy, but sleep didn't last long and I soon needed to breath through some contractions and started using the yoga positions that are meant to open the pelvis and allow the baby to descend. If this was real labor I wanted to help baby along as much as I could. I used this time to talk to my baby. I told her not to be scared about the changes happening and that she would soon be in my arms. It allowed me to remember the purpose of my labor and focus on the exciting part of labor rather than the upcoming pain. I closed my eyes when I felt a contraction and used the pain to visualize how my body was working to bring my baby into the world. I also tried to focus on where I felt the pain and pictured that part of my body in orange. I wanted to acknowledge the pain and allow myself to visualize the purpose of my pain.

Before long the contractions got harder and were about 8 minutes apart. As the contractions got harder I found the only way for me to be comfortable was to grab the base of my belly and walk! I was starting to get excited and my husband was beyond excited singing little songs and talking about meeting the baby. Around 10am my contractions had completely stopped! We were both so disappointed that we were in fact, not getting closer to meeting baby. Again, I was so very wrong in thinking that we would have to wait much longer to meet baby.

I had an NST at 11:00am and they were picking up contractions on the monitor. They told me if they become stronger and closer together to call labor and delivery. I was glad I was contracting still, but they were painless and I wasn't really expecting to have the baby anytime that day. We went home and I was more than a little disappointed.

It Might Be Time

By 2:30pm my contractions had not returned and I told my husband he should go to his scheduled dentist appointment as nothing was happening. I told him, jokingly, I would call if my water broke. By 3:00pm I regretted telling him to go! My contractions came back out of nowhere. I decided to distract myself (believing it was false labor again) and watched The Bachelorette on Hulu while hydrating and bouncing on my labor ball. Every time a contraction came I had to pause (their  voices drove me crazy while contracting) and pace around the room. I started to feel like I was pausing nonstop so I started timing my contractions. My contractions were only 5 minutes apart. I tried calling my husband, but no answer. By 4:30 they were 4 minutes apart. I started calling his phone nonstop and he finally answered (in the denstist chair- of course the day I go into labor they are running super behind). I told him that I thought he should come home, but I wasn't really sure that the contractions wouldn't stop again.  The dentist was about 30 minutes away and so my husband said he was coming leaving immediately. Part of me worried that I wasn't really in labor and the contractions would stop again. I didn't want him to miss his appointment because of false labor. The contractions were hard and painful, but I imagined the pain to be so much worse so I felt very confused. I got in the shower to shave my legs and because I read the shower can be soothing when in labor. By the time my husband got home my contractions were only 2 minutes apart and I was so relieved when he walked through the door because I realized at 2 minutes apart this was the real deal.

We decided to eat before we went to the hospital because neither of us had eaten in a while and we weren't sure when we would be able to eat again. I got the last minute items for the hospital bag and he cooked. After I packed everything up I went into the kitchen to find him chopping vegetables. In my head I was thinking, "What the hell are you doing? My contractions are 2 minutes apart and your chopping vegetables?" Instead I used my filter and simply said, "You don't need to make anything fancy." Which he replied, “Oh I am only making eggs.” I felt like saying so scramble the dumb egg and lets go. We ate out “fancy” eggs and black beans. I needed to stop every 1 1/2- 2 minutes to labor, but we made it through the meal and packed the car. My contractions slowed on the drive (which was fine since it torture to be stuck in a seat while laboring and I was really self conscious that other drivers would see me wriggling around in pain) and I kept saying the whole 25 minutes there, “I hope they don’t send us home. Please be at a 4…”

At The Hospital

The labor and delivery was crowded and we had to wait in the hall because nobody was available to check me to see if I could stay. The nurse kept calling back on the phone saying it looked like I was in active labor and they really needed to check me. They finally called us back where I was monitored and asked a million questions. Again, sitting was awful. To me nothing felt worse than sitting or laying in labor the only relief I got was when I was moving so this and the car ride were the worst parts! The midwife came in and checked me. She smiled and said, "You are a tough girl, you are just about 7cm." I was beyond excited we weren't going home! I also realized that labor wasn't that bad (hell I wasn't even sure I was in real labor) and I only had 3cm left to go. I realized at that point a med free birth was pretty realistic. 

 I was put in a room with a laboring tub (which was more like a pool) and got right in. I loved the tub! I was able to have the baby's heart rate monitored while I was in the tub and only had to get out for a few moments because I chose to have a saline lock (when they place an IV in case of emergency, but don't access it) which they covered with a glove and let me get back in the tub. I asked the nurse about a hundred times if my baby was okay. I am sure she thought I was crazy, but both my husband and I had our cords wrapped around our necks when we were born so I was so worried that our daughter would have the same issue. Our nurse kept reassuring me that our baby was doing just fine.

Soon I hit transition labor. Transition labor was significantly harder than active labor! I went from feeling in control of my contractions to a little frantic with this new degree of pain. Everytime a contraction started I would try standing, sitting, squatting  but nothing brought relief. My husband tried some of the distraction techniques we learned in our classes, but they were the last thing I wanted. At one point I told my nurse I wasn't sure how to cope with these new contractions. My nurse was awesome and assured me I was in transitional and that baby would be here very soon. She then gave me some tips on dealing with the pain. Nobody ever mentioned any pain medication which I appreciated. I kept telling my husband that I really needed a break from labor so I could nap because I was exhausted! 

Around 10:30ish I told the nurse I felt so much pressure I was worried I would go to the bathroom in the tub. My nurse had me get out of the tub (you can't birth in the tub at my hospital) and she checked me since she said feeling that kind of pressure usually meant baby was getting close. She said my water was still in tact and bulging so she couldn't tell how far along I was without popping my bag and that it was better not to pop a bag that is intact, but she guessed I was about a 9-9.5cms. I  looked at the clock and was trying to decide if the baby would come on the 12th or the 13th. I really wanted to have her before midnight since 6/12/12 sounded way cooler than 6/13/12. I asked the nurse if she thought I could have the baby before midnight and she told me it was very likely. Since I couldn't be in the tub I started laboring over the back of the bed, but my nurse was afraid I would fatigue since I had been standing or squatting the whole time so she put on the squat bar and told me to use it during contractions and sit back and rest in between contractions.  I ended up standing on the bed during contractions hanging onto the bar (completely naked cause I never got dressed after the tub!) and laying down between them and my husband was massaging my legs. I don't think that was what she had in mind, but she went with it! At this point I was ready for labor to be over. I was so close and yet I knew I wasn't at 10cm yet. I knew the nurse couldn't tell me how much longer it would take, but I needed some reassurance. I told her I was nervous to push. She reassured me that I would do fine and even told me most people find pushing a relief. Although this eased my fears, again I wanted a timeline. I wanted an endpoint. I knew she couldn't give this to me so I instead asked if she thought pushing would take hours. I was looking for answers I knew she couldn't give. She told me that she really didn't think it would take that long. Oddly enough this satisfied my need to know when it would all be done and I went back to focusing on the task at hand.

Around 10:45 the midwife came in and the amount of pressure I felt was insane. I told her I thought I needed to push so she looked at me and said, "Go for it!" Nobody told me when or how long to push. The atmosphere was very calm and my midwife kept telling me to listen to my body and that's what I did. Pushing felt so much better! I was squatting and pushing when suddenly I felt a pop and my water broke! Things went really fast after that. I sat back in the bed (which was all the way up like a chair rather than a bed) and the midwife said she could see hair. All of the sudden my husband exclaimed he saw hair too which got me excited because if he could see hair then baby must be close. When I asked about baby's hair color they offered a mirror. AMAZING! I saw my baby emerge with every push. It was a great way to know when I was pushing correctly because I saw the results! Soon Kaylee's head popped out and I was saying how beautiful she was and my husband was crying. It was the coolest experience to see my baby's little face the second it came into this world. It was surreal to see her in between two worlds, that of the womb and out of the womb. She was on her way to becoming independent of me and yet for those last few second her body was protected by mine and my II was still providing her oxygen and life. After another push the midwife told me to reach down and I was able to help pull my baby out of her safe place in the womb to the next safest place, my arms. It was the most beautiful experience! I was alternating between kissing Kaylee, saying how beautiful my sweet little girl was, and saying how cool delivery was. 

Almost 4 weeks later my husband and I still talk about how amazing it was to watch her come into the world. I would hate to have missed witnessing that! We did delayed cord cutting and my husband who was worried that cutting the cord would gross him out, was a proud papa taking those scissors and cutting her cord! I did get a 2nd degree tear, but luckily there was so much pressure down there that I didn't feel the tearing. The midwife stitched me up after I delivered the placenta, but honestly I was so busy kissing my baby that I didn't really feel anything that was happening.

I was able to have 2 hours uninterrupted skin to skin time with my baby with the exception of weighing her (they need to weigh before breastfeeding) and I was able to breastfeed within 1/2 hour and she latched right on! Everything else was done after the two hour snuggle time. She never left our sight and we never even set her in the bassinet. She was held skin to skin the entire first night (which turned into the entire first month since I couldn't put her down and now she sleeps on my chest every night)! The whole labor and delivery experience was so much less medical than I thought. The nurses were available, but really stayed out of the way unless we needed them. I told my husband I feel like I had a home birth at the hospital! There were no interventions and the fact that they wouldn't even break my water was amazing to me. We were able to leave 24 hours after arriving. They told us we could stay one more night, but who can rest in a hospital so we opted out after our required 24 hours. They really let my body do what it needed to do and didn't intervene at all. I am still in awe at what a woman's body can do. My husband was pretty in awe too!

CF and Delivery

Luckily CF didn't really effect my delivery although when I was 9.5 cm laboring (naked) over the back of the bed a poor respiratory therapist came in to do my treatments! I turned around when she came in and said, "Can we please do them after the baby is born!?" The poor girl ran out of the room as fast as humanly possible!!

Also, when pushing one of the nurses asked me to take one deep breath between pushes, but my midwife quickly interjected by saying I was to do whatever my body needed in order to get oxygen into my lungs. Honestly, I have no idea how I was breathing since i was focused on pushing, but I think I was panting a little between pushes. Regardless she was born and I didn't pass out so it must have been okay!

As for recovery- I had a 2nd degree tear as stated above which was sore for the first 2 weeks. I did find it quite uncomfortable to cough which was a little frustrating. I was given numbing spray and used it religiously before treatments, but by the end of the 2nd week the pain was pretty much gone.