There was a time, not so long ago, when I would lay in bed while rubbing my belly that kept you safe and warm and I would picture being your mother. I could easily picture myself mothering baby Kaylee, but for some reason I could not get my mind to move on past infancy. Rocking, soothing, nursing was something I would imagine daily, but being a mother to a walking, talking, school aged child was beyond my scope at the time. With you still nestled in my belly, it was hard to see so far ahead and in reality, I had no idea what it meant to be a mother at the time. I didn't have the experience to really know what motherhood entailed.
Fast forward 4.5 years later and I have to admit, that each year of mothering I feel my love for you grow (how is that even possible?!) and I love my job as your mother more and more. Now, I can easily picture mothering you all through your school years and even mothering you when you're a mother yourself. Sure, I still have no idea what I am in for when it comes to raising a teenager, but you are no longer this mystery tucked away below my ribcage. You are my daughter and watching you grow is the biggest gift I have ever been given.
I brought you out to dinner last night, just the girls, and when I told you that you were officially 4.5 your eyes grew big, "I am 4.5? I always thought that meant you were a grown up, but I am not even a teenager yet!" You said with some surprise and a lot of enthusiasm. So how can I sum you up as a 4.5 year old? I think the best way to describe you is my mini me. You and I are two peas in a pod! We like to do all the same activities and we absolutely adore spending time together. You share my animated (and dramatic) way of talking, my love for baking, crafting, and being creative. You are sensitive to others (and very sensitive to what you watch on TV/movies. If your anything like me you will have to check ratings for the rest of your life, sorry love) and love to shower the people you care about with love. You take your time making friends and you prefer a few close friends. You are also a home body which you absolutely got from me!
Of course, you are your own person too! You have a love for chocolate that I will never fully understand. You are so inquisitive and smart. You are so observant and take in so much of your surroundings. Your daddy and I worry that this may be the last Christmas you believe in Santa because you are so logical that you already have doubts about a man that can make it all across the world in one night and you don't understand how he can fit in a chimney. You are a touch of a hoarder which makes me cringe! I often find you digging in the recycling bin (and occasionally the garbage) to find things for your art. You find something to bring home everywhere we go to add to your collection of junk that will become art: a receipt from Costco, a leaf, a stick. I on the other hand, despise clutter and have to find times to declutter your art corner for my own sanity!
I know as you get older you will slowly drift away from me as you find yourself and who you want to become. For now, I am basking in the fact that you love spending time with me and you are my buddy wherever we go. Life is such a wild journey, but I know no matter what I am so very blessed to have you as part of my ride!