Missing Butterflies

I have been posting so many boring health updates so I wanted to share a cute story for a change.

My four year old hates when I get IVs. She calls my accessed port "the tube" and there seems to be nothing she hates more than when I get "the tube." The last few times I needed IVs I was in the hospital so she equates IVs with mommy leaving.



Here is a picture of the butterfly after we de-accessed.
No matter how many times I took this photo
it came out blurry. Sorry!  

My doctors agreed I could do home IVs this round of IVs (before we knew how disastrous it would all turn out) and I was hoping that would change Kaylee's feelings about "the tube." When my port is accessed the safety on the needle (the part that helps slip the needle into a sleeve when it is pulled from the port so that nurses don't stab themselves with my used needle) resembles a butterfly. So I tried to rename "the tube" to "my butterfly" to take away some of the fear she has put around my IVs.

Unfortunately, she still hated my butterfly and asked me daily when it would go away. After 21 days my husband pulled off my dressing and Kaylee watched as he pulled my port needle out of my port. We all cheered because it signaled IVs were done (even though it was bittersweet for me because I didn't feel any better). As I turned to look at Kaylee I saw her eyes full of tears, "Can you just wipe my blubbly eyes, mommy" (blubbly is what she calls her eyes when they are full of tears. It makes no sense, but she has been doing it since she was really little so it has become a real word in our household). My heart sank. I thought she would be overjoyed that my IVs were officially done and yet her eyes were full of tears.

"Can I ask why you are crying?"
The tears started flowing the second I said those words.
"I am going to miss your butterfly!"

I guess the end of IVs was bittersweet for Kaylee too. Sure, the dreaded tube was gone which meant fewer doctor visits, less restricted play with mommy, and no crazy IV schedules, but it also meant her beloved butterfly would be gone.