Saturday, June 1, 2013

Our Start

The start of June will always make me think of the start of our journey together...

It was the last few moments of a Tuesday evening that brought you into the world. The day was so stifling hot that even the cool evening breeze couldn't calm it. The room was dim and quiet, your father and I silently waiting your arrival. Each time I felt my body tightening, squeezing, pushing you from your safe place in my womb, I pushed with every ounce of my being to bring you into my arms.

I remember the first moment I saw your face, the quick release that allowed you to peek out into this world you had only heard murmurs of  from inside the womb. I remember that moment when you were between two worlds, that of the safety of my body and the giant one that lay before you. Your eyes were open, taking everything in, your mouth was open, already trying to call to me. It was mere seconds and yet in my mind that moment felt like hours. I turned to my husband, seeing him instantly transform from an ordinary man to a father. His eyes teared up and I saw the love he already felt for you.

With one more push the midwife had me reach my hands to you. I would be the first to hold you, meet you, love you. I pulled you to my chest and listened to the beautiful cries that sprang from your throat. You were instantly curious, looking to find my voice purring how beautiful you were and how much I loved you. You lifted your head to try to see my face. To meet this woman that had cared for you, talked to you, loved you, lived for you, for your entire existence.

The room was kept cool and yet there was the warmth of love surrounding the two of us. The warmth of our separate bodies, once joined, wrapped snugly around one another. The warmth of our breath, your very first breaths, on each other's skin. The warmth of my heart, which I once thought was full, spilling over with love for you: my heart, my soul, my life.

It was the quiet on that Tuesday evening that I was born too. My heart was changed, my mind was changed, my love was changed forever. My entire being had changed because at that moment, 11:13pm, I was reborn into a mother, into your mother. And for that I will forever be grateful.

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